Let’s get this straight – President Donald Trump just dropped some huge tariff rates on imports from almost every country in the world, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it (or maybe I’ve just had too much coffee). But, new tariff rates are now at 10% for 90 days, because, you know, trade negotiations are a thing.
And, because why not, he’s also raising tariffs on China to a whopping 125% – because, you know, "trade wars are good, and easy to win".
But, China’s all, "Hey, we’re gonna increase our tariff rate to 84% on US goods", and I’m over here like, "What’s next, a game of economic chicken?" – maybe we should all just brush up on our economics.
And then, Trump says more than 75 countries contacted US officials to negotiate, and I’m thinking, "Okay, that’s a lot of countries" – but hey, who’s counting, right?
The stock market is all happy and stuff, with the S&P 500 index jumping 7%, which is great, I guess – I mean, who doesn’t love a good game of stock market roulette?
When asked about the reason for his decision, Trump said, "Well, I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line" – which, I mean, is a perfectly reasonable explanation, right?
But Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent claimed that Trump had always intended to put the brakes on the tariffs, and I’m over here like, "Uh-huh, sure, got it" – maybe we should all just read a few books on politics to understand what’s going on.
And, because why not, let’s throw in a quote from Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, who said Trump "is feeling the heat from Democrats and across America about how bad these tariffs are" – which, I mean, is a totally unbiased opinion, right?
But, hey, at least we have comedy gold from Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, who said that he and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent sat with Trump while he wrote out the announcement on Truth Social, "one of the most extraordinary Truth posts of his Presidency" – I mean, who needs Saturday Night Live when you have Trump’s Truth Social posts?
Anyway, you can read the full announcement for yourself, but honestly, I’d rather be watching paint dry – at least that’s entertaining.
And, because I haven’t ranted enough, let me just say that this whole tariff situation is a hot mess – but hey, at least it’s making for some good Twitter memes, right?
But, seriously, can someone please explain to me what’s going on with these tariffs, because I’m lost – maybe we should all just start with the basics?
And, finally, I’ll just leave you with this thought: if you’re feeling confused about the tariffs, just remember that Trump’s got this – or, you know, not.