Trump Proposes New 5-Star Resort-Prison in El Salvador, Complete with Mandatory Tesla Detailing for Inmates

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that President Donald Trump thinks it’s a good idea to send people who attack Tesla to prisons in El Salvador. And, no, I’m not joking – he actually suggested this on his Truth Social platform. But, I mean, who needs human rights when you can just ship people off to a foreign country, right? (Or, as I like to call it, “Trump’s version of a timeshare”.)

And let’s be real, the real question here is: what’s going on with Elon Musk and Trump? Are they secretly besties or something? I mean, Musk is the CEO of Tesla, and Trump is… well, Trump is Trump. But seriously, their relationship is getting weirder by the day. And, of course, there are the arson attacks on Tesla vehicles – because, you know, that’s not a big deal or anything.

But, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone tried the new coffee makers on Amazon? I heard they’re, like, totally worth the investment. Anyway, back to Trump and his, ahem, “brilliant” ideas. So, he thinks that by sending people to El Salvador, he’s somehow going to solve the problem of violence against Tesla. And, by the way, if you’re interested in learning more about Department of Justice, you can check out their website – it’s, like, super informative.

And, as U.S. Attorney General Pamela Bondi said, the attacks on Tesla are basically domestic terrorism. But, you know, let’s not forget that Trump himself has been known to, shall we say, “encourage” violence against his enemies. So, it’s all a bit rich coming from him, don’t you think? (I mean, have you seen his Twitter rants? The man can barely contain his own anger, let alone tell others to calm down.)

But, I guess what really takes the cake is that Trump actually thinks people are boycotting Tesla “illegally and collusively”. Like, what even is that? Is he serious? Does he really think that people are secretly meeting in underground bunkers, plotting to take down Elon Musk and his beloved Tesla? (If so, can I get an invite to one of these meetings? Sounds like a real blast.)

And, finally, can we talk about the fact that Trump is apparently going to buy a Tesla himself? As a “show of confidence and support” for Elon Musk, of course. Because, you know, the best way to support someone is to spend a bunch of money on one of their products. (I mean, I’ve been trying to support my local coffee shop by buying their coffee every day, but I guess that’s just not the same.)

But, in all seriousness, the situation with Tesla and Trump is getting out of hand. And, honestly, I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Will Trump actually follow through on his threats to send people to El Salvador? Will Musk continue to be the target of violent attacks? And, most importantly, will Trump finally get his hands on a Tesla? (Please, for the love of all things good, let it be a Tesla Model S – those things are sleek.)

And, as I was saying, the Elon Musk and Trump duo is getting weirder by the day. I mean, have you seen their pictures together? It’s like they’re trying to out-do each other in a game of “who can look more smug”. (I’m pretty sure Musk is winning, though – have you seen his Twitter profile picture?)

But, anyway, that’s all for now. Tune in next time when I’ll be ranting about something else entirely. Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully? (Just kidding, I’ll probably just be ranting about Trump and Musk again.)

And, as a final note, can someone please explain to me why Elon Musk’s book is so popular? I mean, I’ve tried reading it, but it’s just so… boring. (Maybe I’m just not smart enough to understand it – after all, Musk is a genius, and I’m just a lowly blogger.)

But, I digress. The real question here is: what’s next for Trump and Musk? Will they continue to be the best of friends, or will they finally have a falling out? (My money’s on the latter – after all, Trump’s not exactly known for his ability to maintain relationships.)

And, finally, can I just say that I’m so tired of all this drama? Can’t we just have a peaceful day without someone trying to blow up a Tesla or Trump tweeting something outrageous? (I guess that’s just too much to ask for, though.)

But, hey, at least we have Tesla accessories to look forward to. I mean, who needs world peace when you can have a fancy new phone case, right? (Priorities, people!)

And, as I was saying, the situation with Tesla and Trump is getting out of hand. But, honestly, I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Will Trump actually follow through on his threats to send people to El Salvador? Will Musk continue to be the target of violent attacks? And, most importantly, will Trump finally get his hands on a Tesla? (Please, for the love of all things good, let it be a Tesla Model 3 – those things are sleek.)