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Trump Issues Executive Order Forcing States to Hand Over Election Keys, Cookies, and Favorite Pen to DOJ, or Else - Uncede | My Take on the News

Trump Issues Executive Order Forcing States to Hand Over Election Keys, Cookies, and Favorite Pen to DOJ, or Else

9 Min Read

Let’s get real here, folks, President Donald Trump’s latest executive order on elections is a total joke – and not the funny kind. It’s like he’s trying to make the Justice Department his personal playground, where he gets to be the boss of everything, including our voting rights (can you say, dictator?). And don’t even get me started on the whole "integrity of American elections" thing – isn’t that just a fancy way of saying "I want to win, no matter what"?

And, I mean, what’s up with this "documentary proof of citizenship" requirement to vote in federal elections? Is this some kind of cruel joke? Do they really think that’s going to stop, like, any kind of fraud (other than, you know, the kind that’s already happening, courtesy of our beloved politicians)? I guess what I’m trying to say is, can we please just focus on making sure our elections are, you know, free and fair, instead of trying to create more obstacles for people to vote?

But, hey, let’s get back to the order itself – because, boy, is it a doozy. I mean, have you seen the part where it says states have to share all this information with the DOJ, or else they’ll get their funding withheld? It’s like, what even is that? Some kind of mafia-style protection racket? "Hey, you want some money to run your election? Well, you’d better play nice with us, or else…" And what’s with the requirement that all ballots be received by Election Day – doesn’t that just, by definition, disenfranchise people who, for whatever reason, can’t get their ballots in on time? I mean, come on, can’t we just, like, make voting easier, instead of harder?

And then there’s the whole thing about "suspected violations of state and federal elections laws" – what, exactly, does that even mean? Is this just a way for the DOJ to, you know, stick its nose in wherever it feels like, without any actual justification? It’s like they’re trying to create this whole new class of "election crimes" that don’t actually exist – just so they can, you know, prosecute people for stuff that’s not even a real thing. I mean, can you imagine if this was applied to, like, any other area of law? "Oh, you’re suspected of maybe possibly committing a crime, so we’re going to take away all your rights and freedoms"? No, that doesn’t sound like a recipe for disaster at all…

But, you know, it’s not all bad – I mean, at least we have people like David Becker, the executive director and founder of the nonpartisan Center for Election Innovation and Research, speaking out against this nonsense. As he said, if the president tries to apply some new, made-up criteria for receiving funding, that’s "likely to be found to be an excess use of power" – and, you know, I couldn’t agree more. It’s like, come on, can’t we just have some basic respect for the law, and for the people who are trying to make our democracy work?

And let’s not forget the part where the Attorney General gets to "review for potential withholding of grants and other funds" if states don’t play nice – isn’t that just a fancy way of saying "we’re going to strong-arm you into doing what we want"? I mean, what’s next – are they going to start, like, bribing states to get them to cooperate? "Hey, if you do what we say, we’ll give you some money – but if you don’t, we’ll take it away"? It’s like, can’t we just have some basic honesty and transparency in our government, instead of all this backroom dealing?

But hey, at least we have Danielle Lang, the Senior Director of Voting Rights at the Campaign Legal Center, to shed some light on this whole mess. As she said, this order is basically just a way for the DOJ to "supplant states in their role" and "demand all this information from the states and penalize the states that do not engage in this kind of joint weaponization of prosecution" – and, you know, that sounds about right. It’s like, can’t we just let states handle their own elections, without all this federal interference?

And, I mean, the scope of the information that the EO is directing states to share with the DOJ is just, like, insane. They want to know about people who have committed "amorphous ‘election fraud’" – whatever that means – as well as people who registered to vote more than once (which, let’s be real, is just a common mistake that gets cleaned up during routine voter roll maintenance). It’s like, can’t we just focus on making sure our elections are secure, instead of trying to create all these new "crimes"? I mean, come on, can’t we just have some basic common sense in our government, instead of all this paranoia and hysteria? You can find more information about voter registration on Amazon.

But, you know, I guess that’s just the world we live in now – where the president can just, like, make up new laws and punish states for not doing what he wants. And hey, at least we have the Facebook to, you know, spread the word about all this nonsense. So, go ahead and share this article with all your friends – maybe if we can just, like, raise awareness about this stuff, we can actually make a difference.

And, I mean, it’s not like this is the first time something like this has happened – I mean, come on, we’ve got a whole history of voter suppression and election interference in this country. But, you know, maybe if we can just, like, learn from our mistakes, we can actually create a better system – one that’s, you know, fair and equitable for everyone. So, let’s just, like, take a deep breath and try to make sense of all this – because, you know, democracy is worth fighting for. You can find more information about the election interference on Amazon.

But, hey, I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles – and, you know, we’re all just along for the ride. So, buckle up, folks, because it’s going to be a bumpy road ahead. And, I mean, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or confused by all this, just, like, take a step back and try to remember what’s really important – our democracy, and the people who are fighting to protect it. You can find more information about the democracy on Amazon.

And, finally, I just want to say – thank you to all the people out there who are, like, actually fighting for our rights. You know, the ones who are, like, on the front lines of this whole mess – the voting rights advocates, the election officials, the ordinary citizens who are just trying to make their voices heard. You guys are, like, the real heroes – and, you know, we’re all in this together. So, let’s just, like, keep on fighting – because, you know, it’s worth it. You can find more information about the voting rights on Amazon.

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