Because, you know, what’s a few trees when you can have a bunch of logs, right? I mean, who needs trees anyway? They’re just taking up space, providing oxygen, and supporting entire ecosystems… no big deal. The Trump administration, in all its wisdom, has decided to open up more than half of our national forests to logging, because, you know, profits over people (and the environment, and wildlife…).
And let’s be real, this “emergency order” is just a fancy way of saying “we want to make some quick cash and don’t care about the consequences”. I mean, what’s the emergency, exactly? Did the trees suddenly start multiplying out of control or something? (Although, if that were the case, I’d be all for it – can you imagine the treehouse possibilities?) But seriously, it’s just a thinly veiled attempt to boost timber production and line the pockets of corporate interests.
But, you know, who needs national forests when you can have a bunch of clear-cut land and a handful of temporary jobs? I mean, it’s not like the long-term effects of deforestation will be detrimental to the environment or anything (oh wait, they will). And what’s a little biodiversity loss when you can have a marginally increased timber supply? (Not to mention the EPA is probably just thrilled about the whole thing… said no one ever).
And can we talk about the irony of this situation for a second? I mean, the Trump administration is basically saying “we need to protect the economy” by destroying the environment… which will, in turn, destroy the economy (and the planet, but who’s counting?). It’s like they’re trying to solve a math problem by subtracting the numbers instead of adding them (or, you know, just using a calculator like a normal person).
But hey, at least the U.S. Forest Service will have some new policies to enforce… like, you know, “how to not get sued by environmentalists” and “the art of ignoring science”. And I’m sure the Bureau of Land Management is just over the moon about this whole thing (I mean, who wouldn’t want to manage a bunch of desolate, tree-less landscapes?).
And let’s not forget about the real victims here: the trees. I mean, can you imagine being a tree, just standing there, minding your own business, and then suddenly being told “oh, you’re going to be a toilet paper now”? It’s like, what even is the point of being a tree if you’re just going to end up as someone’s Charmin?
But in all seriousness (just for a second, don’t worry), this is a huge deal, and we should all be contacting our representatives and making our voices heard. I mean, it’s not like we can just sit back and watch as our national forests are destroyed… oh wait, that’s exactly what’s happening.
And finally, can someone please explain to me why we’re still using paper products in the first place? I mean, it’s the 21st century, people! We have digital notebooks and e-readers… do we really need to be cutting down trees to make toilet paper and newspaper? (Sorry, I guess that’s just the tree-hugging hippie in me talking).