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Trump’s Master Plan: Tariffs Unite Nation in Shared Despair, Democrats Rejoice at Gift of Guaranteed Victory
I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate the sheer genius of Trump's tariff strategy? I'm not even kidding, it's like he's trying to win elections for the Democrats or something (no, seriously, has he been secretly taking advice from the Democratic playbook?). And let's be real, tariffs are basically the ultimate unifier - who doesn't love a good ol' fashioned tariff war to bring the country together? But, and this is a…
Campaign Calls For Flooding ICE Tip Line With Reports of Undocumented Avocados and Unlicensed Puppies
I'm just going to dive right into this, because, honestly, where do I even start? So, the White House decided it would be a brilliant idea to share a 24-hour tip line for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) on social media, and, of course, the internet had a field day. I mean, who wouldn't want to report their neighbors, coworkers, or, you know, billionaire CEOs for being undocumented immigrants? And, let's be real, the responses…
Judge Rules Trump Can’t Ban AP from Oval Office, But Can Still Ban Facts, Reason, and Sanity
Let's get real for a second, shall we? A federal judge (because, you know, the judiciary is always impartial... or is it?) has ruled that the White House can't bar Associated Press reporters and photographers from the Oval Office - you know, the same place where world-changing decisions are made (or so we're told). But, I mean, who needs access to the President when you have his books to give you all the insight you…
Press Secretary Confirms Trump’s Plan to Deport Himself to Mars for ‘Alternative Facts’ Vacation
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one, and I've been drinking way too much coffee, so bear with me here. But seriously, the White House Press Secretary thinks we're just going to believe that Trump was dead serious about deporting U.S. citizens? Like, what's next? Are they going to tell us that the sun rises in the west and we should all just accept it? And can we talk about how ridiculous…
Trump to Slap 1000% Tariffs on Chinese Imports, Also Demands China Send Over All Their Egg Rolls and a Nice Apology Note
And here we go again, folks, with the never-ending saga of the trade war between the US and China, because, you know, who needs diplomacy and cooperation when you can have tariffs and retaliations? But seriously, the latest development is that the US President Donald Trump will impose an additional 84% in tariffs on all imports from China, because, why not, right? I mean, it's not like it's going to affect the American consumers or…
Trump’s Post-‘Liberation Day’ Polls So Bad, Republicans Considering Liberating Themselves from Him
Are you tired of winning yet? Because, apparently, President Donald Trump's new tariff policy is the gift that keeps on giving - only if you're into that whole "largest peacetime tax hike in U.S. history" kind of thing (you know, the kind of thing that makes you wonder if someone put a "who needs an economy anyway?" bumper sticker on the White House). And, of course, the Republican National Committee was completely unavailable for comment…
GOP Megadonor Loses Mind, Finds Sanity in Unexpected Place: A Strong Stance Against Trump’s Tariff Tantrums
And can you believe it, folks, Ken Langone, the co-founder of Home Depot, is speaking out against Donald Trump's tariffs, calling them "bulls--t" - what a refreshing burst of honesty in a world of politically correct mumbo-jumbo. But let's be real, who didn't see this coming, right? I mean, Trump's tariffs are about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and just as effective at solving complex economic issues (read: not at all). And…
Billionaire Bill Ackman Suddenly Discovers Morals, Ditches Trump Over Tariffs, Film at 11
Let's get this rant started - Wealthy business leaders are finally turning on US President Donald Trump over his utterly brilliant plan to impose a colossal set of tariffs on America’s trading partners, because, you know, that's exactly what the world needs right now, more tariffs. But, seriously, billionaire investor Bill Ackman warned that going ahead with the new tariffs is tantamount to launching an “economic nuclear war” - now, that's what I call a…
Trump’s Genius Plan: Open Borders to Let in Cheap Brain Cells to Combat Cognitive Decline
I mean, seriously, who tries to be on good terms with a vaccine-skeptic boss, right? Marks thought he could just waltz in and make nice with RFK Jr., developing some sort of "vaccine transparency action plan" - because, you know, transparency is exactly what you need when you're dealing with people who don't believe in science. And then Marks gives Kennedy and his team access to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), but draws…
New Bill Aims to Stop Trump from Tariff-ing Away What’s Left of Our Sanity (and the Economy)
I am just so done with the constant back-and-forth on tariffs, it's like, can't we all just get along? Markets are tumbling, financial sector leaders are freaking out, and our allies are all like "um, what's going on?" - all because of President Trump's latest tariff announcement. And now, some House Republican (I'm looking at you, Rep. Don Bacon) is trying to introduce legislation to limit the White House's ability to impose tariffs without Congress'…