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Trump Admin Faces ‘Insider Trading’ Investigation, Shocked to Discover They’re Not Allowed to Just Make Up Their Own Rules About Money Too
Breaking News: Senator Adam Schiff is on the warpath, and this time, he's gunning for President Donald Trump's administration over allegations of insider trading. Because, you know, what's a little collusion between friends, right? (Or should I say, what's a little tariff manipulation between "stable geniuses"?) And can we talk about these tariffs for a second? I mean, Trump is like a kid in a candy store, except instead of candy, it's tariffs, and instead…
Schiff Demands Investigation into Mysterious Case of Sudden Wealth, Claims It Has Nothing to Do with Him Buying a Yacht Last Week
What's going on here? So, Senator Adam Schiff is calling for an investigation into President Donald Trump's alleged insider trading or market manipulation - yeah, because that's not a thing that's been done before (ahem, In Congress, Trump’s Tariff Pullback Sparks Relief, Frustration, and Suspicion). I mean, who needs evidence when you've got a tweet from Trump saying "THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY!!!" - that's not suspicious at all (note to self: buy…
Trump’s Tariffs: Because Who Needs a Bribe When You Can Just Slap on a 300% Fee and Call it Tuesday?
And let's get this straight, shall we? Trump's tariffs are not just a matter of economic policy, but a masterclass in corruption, with the President himself admitting to using them as a tool for personal gain - because, why not, right? (I mean, who needs ethics in politics, anyway?). But what's truly breathtaking is the sheer audacity of it all, like he's trying to outdo himself in a game of "who can be the most…
Trump’s Team Has No Idea What to Say, But Let’s Be Real, Neither Does Trump
I'm just going to dive right in here and say that the economy is, like, totally a mess, right? I mean, apparently, some CEO told Maria Bartiromo that we're already in a recession - because, you know, one CEO's opinion is all we need to confirm a recession (sarcasm alert!). And I'm over here thinking, how do you even deal with that when you're trying to implement all these new policies, like deregulation, which, might…
Trump’s ‘Great Time to Buy’ Claim Hours Before Tariff Pause: Because Who Needs Insider Trading Laws When You’re the President?
President Donald Trump - the gift that keeps on giving, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. I mean, who else can single-handedly cause a market frenzy with just a few words on social media? It's like he has a magic touch, but instead of turning everything to gold, he turns it into a stock market crash waiting to happen. But let's dive into the latest controversy surrounding Trump's Truth Social post,…
Trump Spares World, Pounds China with Tariffs, Immediately Forgets What He Did and Orders a Large Takeout
Let's get this straight - President Donald Trump just dropped some huge tariff rates on imports from almost every country in the world, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it (or maybe I've just had too much coffee). But, new tariff rates are now at 10% for 90 days, because, you know, trade negotiations are a thing. And, because why not, he's also raising tariffs on China to a whopping 125% -…
Nation Horrified By Sudden, Shocking Discovery That Donald Trump Is Still Donald Trump: Approval Rating Somehow Manages to Find New Lows
Let's talk about President Donald Trump's approval rating, shall we? I mean, who doesn't love a good trainwreck? It's like watching a dumpster fire in slow motion - you can't look away, no matter how hard you try. And boy, has it been a wild ride. His approval rating has taken a dramatic hit, with new polls showing a sharp drop in support. Because, you know, who needs popularity when you can have Twitter controversy?…
Trump Spokesperson Claims Nationwide Outpouring of Tariff Love, Nation Somehow Forgot to Send Flowers and Hallmark Cards
I am just so done with this administration, and their constant denial of reality - it's like they think we're all just sheep who will blindly follow them off a cliff (check out this article from Bloomberg for more on their tariff policies). But, apparently, the Trump press secretary thinks everyone is just lying about hating the tariffs - like, what even is that? And I mean, come on, who doesn't love a good tariff?…
Stocks Plunge, Trump Hits Links: Because What’s a Little Economic Chaos When You’ve Got a Tee Time to Keep?
Can You Believe This Guy? Trump Golfing While the Economy Burns And I thought I was frustrated with my morning coffee being too weak. But President Donald Trump takes the cake - or should I say, he's eating the cake while the rest of us are left with the crumbs. He spent his weekend golfing in Florida, because, you know, priorities. I mean, who needs to worry about the economy tanking when you can perfect…
Trump Claims ‘I’m a Genius, Believe Me’ as Tariffs Magically Turn Trade Partners into Angry, Tariff-Wielding Ninjas
President Donald Trump is at it again, and by "it," I mean making questionable decisions that leave everyone scratching their heads. His latest move? Implementing "Liberation Day" tariffs, because who doesn't love a good tariff, right? (I mean, who needs stable markets and a thriving economy when you can have tariffs?) But wait, it gets better. Trump insists he knows what he's doing, despite the fact that markets are plummeting and even super-safe assets like…