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Washington Post Suddenly Remembers It Needs Twitter to Promote Its Articles, Quickly Forgets About ‘Fire Elon Musk’ Ad
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one, but apparently, the Washington Post Washington Post backed out of an ad order that said "Fire Elon Musk" - because who doesn't love a good public scandal, right? And can we talk about how this whole ordeal is just a huge distraction from the real issues at hand? But I guess that's what happens when you're dealing with the king of Twitter. And don't…
Bill to Replace Vaccines with Essential Oils and Prayers Passes Out of House Committee, Because Science is Overrated
Breaking News: because what the world really needed was another brilliant idea from politicians, a bill to ban mRNA vaccines is making its way to the House floor - and I'm just over here wondering if these people have actually looked at the science behind these vaccines. I mean, come on, have they not heard of all the research that's been done on this topic? And let's be real, the fact that this bill is…
Nation Threatens to Take Dramatic Step of Turning off Netflix and Forgetting Passwords to Everything
I am just so tired of all this ACLU drama, can't they just make up their minds already? (I mean, I love the First Amendment, don't get me wrong). But seriously, free speech is a fundamental right, and we need to protect it, even when it's hard. And by hard, I mean when it's hate speech, or just plain annoying. I'm not saying I agree with Donald Trump, but de-platforming him was a huge mistake,…
Trump Administration Decides Hurricanes are ‘Fake News’, Denies Relief to Georgia Because ‘They’re Probably Just Looking for an Excuse to Have a Peach Party’
And can you believe it, folks, the Trump administration has actually denied an extension for hurricane relief in Georgia, because, you know, they're just FEMA experts or something (not). But I mean, who needs help after a devastating hurricane, right? It's not like people are suffering or anything. And let's be real, the hurricane relief efforts in Georgia were already a mess, and now this denial is just the cherry on top (or should I…
Dictator for a Day: Because Who Needs Human Rights When You Can Have an Extra Hour for Lunch?
Ugh, can you believe this guy? President Donald Trump is at it again, spewing out cryptic tweets that are just begging to be deciphered by the internet. This time, he decided to quote French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, because, you know, who needs original thoughts when you can just plagiarize a historical dictator? (I mean, come on, Trump, at least try to come up with something a little more...I don't know...not fascist?) But, I digress. The…
Breaking: Illinois Governor Declares Lake Michigan Now Lake Illinois, Trump Immediately Builds Wall Around It and Demands Illinois Pay for It
Are you kidding me? Democratic Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker is trolling U.S. President Donald Trump over his recent announcement to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. And let's be real, it's about time someone poked fun at Trump's interesting decisions. But what's even more hilarious is that Pritzker decided to create a parody video announcing the renaming of Lake Michigan to Lake Illinois. I mean, who doesn't want a lake named…
Royal Society to Debate Whether Elon Musk’s Ego Should Be Launch into Space to Save Humanity
And let's get this straight, the Royal Society is having a meeting to discuss whether or not to expel Elon Musk, the Tesla and SpaceX boss, because of his recent antics. But, I mean, what's the big deal, right? He's just a 21st-century Isambard Kingdom Brunel, a genius, a visionary... (or so they thought). He was made a fellow of Britain's most prestigious scientific institution in 2018, and now they're like, "oh wait, he's not…
BREAKING: Steven Bannon Sounds Alarm: Trump and Musk’s Biggest Fans Can’t Afford Their Own Healthcare, Let Alone a SpaceX Ticket
I'm just so excited to talk about Steve Bannon and his latest rant about Medicaid. But, and I mean big but, what's the deal with this guy? He's like a bad penny, always turning up and causing trouble. And, by the way, have you seen his War Room podcast? It's like a trainwreck that you can't look away from. Anyway, back to Medicaid. He's warning Donald Trump and Elon Musk to tread carefully with those…
Trump Administration Helps Veterans Achieve Lifelong Dream of Not Having to Wear Suits to Work Anymore
I mean, what's the point of even having a Trump administration if they're just going to betray our veterans like this? And don't even get me started on the whole "支持 our troops" rhetoric - it's all just a bunch of empty words, right? But hey, who needs job security when you've got a fancy patriotic t-shirt to wear? And let's be real, folks, this isn't exactly a shock - I mean, have you seen…
RFK Jr. Just Shot the CDC in the Foot with His First Salvo of Conspiracy Theories and a Half-Remembered Epidemiology Lecture from 1987
And can you believe it, RFK Jr. is already making waves on his first day, CDC is in trouble, big time! I mean, who needs a honeymoon period when you can just dive right in and start stirring the pot, right? (I'm just waiting for the popcorn to start popping). But, let's get real here, RFK Jr. is not just any ordinary guy, he's a -force to be reckoned with, and his first day on…