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Trump Official Declares Social Security ‘So Last Season’ as Administration Prepares to Cut Benefits and Replace Them with participation Trophies
Can you believe it? Donald Trump and Elon Musk are once again spewing baseless claims that tens of millions of dead people are collecting Social Security payments - because, you know, that's exactly what we need, more alternative facts. And, of course, they're using this as an excuse to cut Medicare and Medicaid - because who needs healthcare, anyway? But let's get real here - the real goal is to make dramatic cuts to these…
Elon Musk Too Busy Playing Video Games to Attend DOGE Meetings, Rep. Crockett Issues Stern Warning: ‘Come Through, Boo, or We’ll Send a Fleet of Teslas to Your House’
Can you believe this guy? I mean, Elon Musk is just out here, doing his thing, and Texas Rep. Jasmine Crockett is calling him out for the actions of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). And, honestly, it's about time someone did. I mean, have you seen the stuff they're doing? Firing people who work with nuclear bombs? That's just crazy talk. And, let's be real, Donald Trump's ally, Elon Musk, is just making things…
Elon Musk Blasts Off Into Tantrum After Astronaut Exposes His Galactic Gaslighting Scheme
Okay, let's get this straight, Elon Musk is complaining about people not being honest, but then he literally lies about astronauts being abandoned in space. And then, when someone calls him out on it, he resorts to using slurs. Because, you know, that's what adults do when they're caught in a lie. And by the way, have you seen the books about Elon Musk on Amazon? There are some really great ones that delve…
Breaking: Trump Discovers Elon Musk is Secretly a Doge, Not a Billionaire, and the Economy Immediately Improves
I'm just going to dive right into this, because, honestly, I have no idea how to process the sheer amount of nonsense that's been spewed out by certain individuals (cough, Donald Trump, cough). But, let's get down to business. Apparently, Trump thinks that Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the President of Ukraine, is some kind of comedian who's managed to swindle the United States out of $350 billion dollars. And, you know what? I think that's a pretty…
Billionaire Genius Elon Musk Leaves Trump in Dust, Mostly Because Trump Forgot His Participation Trophy at Home
I mean, can you believe what Elon Musk just said? It's like, hello, rich people, care about the country, because, you know, if America falls, your business will too, obviously. And, by the way, have you seen the economy books on Amazon, they're like, totally relevant to this conversation. But, let's get back to Musk's statement, it's like, the rich people should care more about the country, because, well, it's just common sense. I mean,…
Mitch McConnell Finally Announces He’s Retiring to Pursue His True Passion: Collecting Dust and Disappointing His Family
And can you believe it, the wait is finally over, Mitch McConnell has announced he won't run again - what a shocking turn of events (I mean, who didn't see this coming, right?). But let's not get ahead of ourselves, we should probably send him a farewell gift, maybe something from Amazon's parting gifts section, I hear their "_World's Okayest Senator_" mug is a bestseller. But what's next, will the Republican party finally find someone…
Ex-Presidents Suddenly Forgetting How to Use Phones, Pens, and Words in Presence of Trump
Because, apparently, the world is just missing that one crucial thing: ex-presidents flocking to Twitter to rant about Donald Trump. I mean, can you think of anything more vital to the survival of humanity than a bunch of retirees sharing their two cents on the internet? And, by the way, have you tried searching for Twitter marketing strategies on Amazon? It's a real thrill-ride, let me tell you. But, I guess, some Democrats are actually…
Elon Musk and Sean Hannity Engage in Thrilling Game of ‘Who Can Interrupt Trump the Most’ on Fox News
Politics, because who doesn't love a good drama-filled saga, and today we've got a real treat for you. And I'm not even going to sugarcoat it - the latest clip of the three-way sit-down at the White House, featuring Sean Hannity, is just too ridiculous to ignore. But, I mean, what's new, right? So, let's dive into the heart of the matter: Hannity's laser focus on the billionaire in question. And I use the term…
Trump’s Financials Exposed: It Turns Out He’s Been Using Monopoly Money the Whole Time
If you can believe it, President Donald Trump is at it again, because of course he is. And now, he's decided to sue CBS for a whopping $20 billion over a Kamala Harris interview on "60 Minutes" that he claims was deceptively edited. But, naturally, the network is fighting back. It turns out that CBS lawyers are planning to demand Trump's personal finance information, which, let's be real, is probably a treasure trove of interesting…
Trump Declares Himself King, Nation Shrugs and Asks If He’s Also Going to Start Wearing a Funny Hat and Carrying a Scepter
Breaking news: Donald Trump has officially lost it (but let's be real, when did he ever have it?). He's now calling himself a "king" on social media, because, you know, that's exactly what America needs - a monarch (check out the latest update on this royal mess). And what prompted this royal declaration, you ask? Well, it's because his administration decided to rescind New York City's congestion pricing program, because, you know, who needs less…