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Marjorie Taylor Greene Accused of Insider Trading, But Honestly, Who Wouldn’t Want to Invest in Crazy?
And let's dive right into this ridiculous story, shall we? So, Marjorie Taylor Greene is being called out for her questionable stock purchases during the recent market dip, and I am just so shocked (not really). I mean, who wouldn't want to buy stocks when the market is plummeting, right? It's not like she had any insider information or anything (wink, wink). But, of course, her team is calling the whole thing "utterly absurd" -…
Trump’s Diplomatic Skills on Full Display: Accidentally Calls Ex-Aide, Proceeds to Yell at Wrong Person for 10 Minutes, Sources Claim
And let's get this straight, folks, the Trump administration is a never-ending circus, full of clowns and accidents waiting to happen. But, apparently, President Donald Trump decided to take it to a whole new level by accidentally calling his former national security adviser, H.R. McMaster, instead of the intended recipient, South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster. I mean, who needs a comedy show when you have the Trump administration, right? (Can someone please explain to me…
Fund Managers Secretly Pray Trump’s Tariff Plan Involves Just Yelling at China Until They Cry Uncle
Ugh, can you believe this guy? Donald Trump is at it again, making decisions that are leaving economists and fund managers scratching their heads. I mean, what's next? Is he going to start a trade war with China and expect everyone to just go along with it? (By the way, have you seen the prices of Made in China products on Amazon lately? Yikes!) And don't even get me started on the whole tariff situation.…
Trump Reveals His Genius Plan to Make Billionaire Friends Richer: Tariff Tussle Pays Off with Record-Breaking Returns (and a Side of Covfefe)
I'm just so excited to talk about this - President Donald Trump is basically a stock market whisperer (who needs a crystal ball when you have a Twitter account, right?)! He randomly decides to suspend most of his worldwide tariffs, and voilà! The stock market goes absolutely bonkers, with stocks jumping more than 7 percent in a matter of minutes (I guess that's what they mean by "fast-paced"). And, of course, our fearless leader can't…
Trump Announces Plans for Third, Fourth, and Fifth Terms, Because Who Needs the Constitution Anyway?
And so, it begins, the never-ending cycle of speculation about Donald Trump's potential third term in 2028 - because, why not, right? I mean, who needs the Constitution when you have a great personality? But, in all seriousness, this is getting ridiculous. Trump's been dropping hints left and right, and his followers are eating it up like the best-selling books on politics they can't get enough of. It's like he's trying to distract us from…
Supreme Court Orders Trump to Use His Amazing Deal-Making Skills to Trade a Few Tweets for Maryland Dad’s Freedom from El Salvador Prison
Let's get real here, the Trump administration's immigration policies are a complete disaster. I mean, who needs human rights when you can have a wall on the border, right? And don't even get me started on the infamous prison in El Salvador, it's like a real-life horror movie. Kilmar Abrego Garcia's story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you play with fire and mess with people's lives. But, seriously, the Supreme Court's ruling…
House Votes to Restore American Dream of Bankrupting Yourself with $35 Lattes and Overdraft Fees
Can you believe it? The House has just voted to overturn a rule that would have limited those lovely overdraft fees to a mere $5. I mean, who doesn't love the feeling of being charged an extra $30 for a $3 cup of coffee? It's like the banks are saying, "Hey, you're already broke, why not take a little more of your hard-earned cash?" And, of course, the Republicans are all for it, because who…
Break Out the Confederate Balloons: House Passes GOP’s ‘Voting: Because Who Needs That Anyway?’ Act
Oh joy, the U.S. House of Representatives has passed the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE) Act, a bill that's about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face of democracy. And by subtle, I mean not subtle at all. This monstrosity of a bill is designed to disenfranchise millions of eligible voters, because who needs democracy, anyway? But wait, it gets better! The bill requires people to present documentary proof of citizenship in person, because,…
AOC Demands Ban on Congress ‘Insider Trading’ Because She’s Clearly Not Getting Her Fair Share of the Loot
And here we go again, folks, with another thrilling episode of "Insider Trading in Congress" - because, you know, ethics are totally overrated. But seriously, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is demanding an investigation into the whole shebang, and I'm like, "Finally, someone's paying attention!" (Or am I just drinking too much coffee?) I mean, let's get real here - when President Donald Trump puts his "Liberation Day" tariffs on hold, and the stock market magically resurrects,…
AOC Demands Colleagues Come Clean About Their Questionable Life Choices, Including But Not Limited To: Stocks, Fantasy Football Leagues, and That One Time They Ate a Whole Pizza by Themselves
I'm just so done with the lack of transparency in politics, you know? According to CNBC, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thinks her colleagues should probably disclose their recent stock purchases, and honestly, it's about time someone said that out loud. But let's be real, this is not exactly a shocking revelation, I mean, who doesn't love a good ol' fashioned insider trading scandal every now and then? And can we talk about how convenient it is that…