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Al Green Single-Handedly Saves America from Another 10 Minutes of Trump Talking, Wins Nobel Prize in Heroism
And can you believe it, folks, Democratic Rep. Al Green of Texas just gave us the most epic moment of U.S. President Donald Trump's address to a joint session of Congress - I mean, who needs coffee when you have politicians throwing shade like this? But, seriously, Green's cane-shaking, Medicaid-defending protest was everything and more, earning him praise online and probably a few extra grey hairs from the stress of it all (check out the…
Breaking: Trump Revealed to be Russian Asset, or as We’ve Been Calling Him for Years, ‘Tuesday’
I mean, seriously, can you believe this? There's a chatbot called Grok, developed by Elon Musk's company xAI, and it's claiming that there's a "75-85% likelihood" that Donald Trump is a "Putin-compromised" asset. Like, what? Is this some kind of joke? And by the way, have you seen the books about Elon Musk? They're like, really popular. But, I guess, if you read the article, you'll see that Grok analyzed a bunch of publicly available…
US Rep. Jasmine Crockett Hailed as Diplomatic Genius for Redefining International Relations with Creative Insults and Questionable Life Choices
U.S. Rep. Jasmine Crockett, D-Texas, is at it again, and I am totally here for it. But, can we talk about how she's been on a roll lately, calling out the Trump administration for their, shall we say, questionable decisions? And, I mean, who can blame her? I'd probably tell Trump to grow a spine too, if I were in her shoes. Rep. Al Green's removal from the House chamber is still fresh in our…
Trump’s Approval Rating Finally Matches His Hairline: A New Low
I'm just so done with President Donald Trump's approval ratings, can't we just get a clear answer for once? And no, I'm not talking about his infamous hair, although that's a whole different story. But, I mean, come on, the man's approval rating has been all over the place, it's like trying to predict the weather - you just can't. Apparently, according to pollster FiveThirtyEight, Trump's approval rating has turned negative for the first time…
BREAKING: Democrats Somehow Resist Urge to Spontaneously Combust in Fits of Rage, Continue to Breathe and Wear Pants
I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of it all? The response to Donald Trump's two-hour carnival of lies and stunts was given by Senator Elissa Slotkin of Michigan, and let me tell you, it was a real thrill-ride - said no one ever. I'm not saying she didn't try, but come on, who thought it was a good idea to follow up a golden dome defense system with a…
Trump Announces ‘Unelected Bureaucrats’ Replaced by Even More Powerful ‘Elected Egotists’
Okay, let's get this straight - President Donald Trump stands up in front of Congress and says "the days of rule by unelected bureaucrats are over" and then proceeds to give a shoutout to Elon Musk, who is basically the epitome of an unelected bureaucrat (and I use that term loosely, because let's be real, Musk is more like a supervillain in a fancy suit). And the Democrats in the room just lose it, bursting…
In Just Five Days, Trump Achieves What Took the Flintstones 100 Years to Do: Going Back to the Stone Age
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that in just five days, Trump has managed to set the country back nearly 100 years, but I guess that's what happens when you have a master builder in charge, right? And by master builder, I mean someone who can't even build a decent wall, let alone a functioning government. But, hey, who needs things like civil rights and environmental protection when you can have…
Dow Plunges 1300 Points in Two Days, Nation Shocked to Discover Trump Has No Idea What He’s Doing
And so, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has decided to take a nose dive, plummeting 1300 points in just two days - because, you know, tariffs are fun! But, what's the reason behind this joyful event? None other than Donald Trump and his brilliant idea to impose tariffs on Mexico, Canada, and China - because, clearly, that's exactly what the world needed. As I'm writing this, I'm sipping on a cup of coffee, trying to…
AOC Too Busy Saving World to Bother with Trump’s Latest Twitter Recap in Person
I'm beyond thrilled to report that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is skipping Trump's address, because, let's be real, who needs to listen to that when you can live post instead? And honestly, can you blame her? I mean, who wants to sit through a speech that's likely to be filled with, well, let's just say "alternative facts"? But, what's really interesting here is that she's choosing to live post instead, which, if you ask me, is a…
Rep. Al Green Kicked Out of Congress for Being the Only One Still Awake During Trump’s Speech
politics can be so dramatic , am I right? I mean, who needs a reality TV show when you have the House chamber? And, let's be real, some of the things that go down in that room are just, well, wild . Like, have you seen the way Rep. Al Green, D-Texas, was removed from the House chamber after he disrupted President Donald Trump's joint address to Congress? I mean, the man was shaking his…