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Trump’s Bromance with Putin Reaches New Levels: Americans Start Learning Russian to Better Understand Their Overlord’s Orders
I'm just going to say it: the latest scandal surrounding Trump's ties to Russia has me, and apparently a lot of other Americans, totally freaked out. And can you blame us? I mean, the guy's been cozying up to Putin like they're old buddies or something (which, let's be real, they probably are). But what's really getting my goat is that Trump seems to be doing everything in his power to downplay the whole thing,…
Trump Orders US Military to Invade Panama to Retrieve His Lost Hairstylist and the Last Remaining Comb-Over Compatible Canal
Because what we really needed was another catastrophe to add to the never-ending list of global crises - and by that, I mean President Donald Trump directing the Pentagon to prepare plans for carrying out his completely absurd threat to "take back" the Panama Canal, including by military force if needed, because, you know, that's exactly what we need more of - military interventions! And, of course, this move has been justified under the guise…
Walz: ‘We Wouldn’t Be in This Mess If I Hadn’t Spent All My Campaign Funds on Avocado Toast’
And can you believe it, Governor Walz is still whining about the election, claiming they wouldn't be in this mess if they had won, like that's some kind of profound statement. I mean, what's next, blaming the alignment of the stars for their failures? But let's get real, Governor, you did win, and now you're dealing with the consequences of your own policy decisions, so maybe it's time to stop playing the blame game. But,…
Feds Somehow Manage to Spend $16M on Guantanamo Bay Timeshare That Came with a Free ‘We’ll Just Send Everyone Back to the US Anyway’ Bonus
I am absolutely, completely, and utterly fed up with the latest news about the Trump administration's $16 million debacle in Guantanamo Bay. Can you believe it? I mean, what's next? Are they going to build a wall around the naval base and make the migrants pay for it? And let's talk about the logic behind this decision. I use the term loosely, of course. So, the administration thinks it's a good idea to detain migrants…
Congress in Crisis: Desperate Lawmakers Search for Elon Musk to Please Tell Them What to Do with Their Lives
I mean, can you believe this guy, Rep. John Larson, Rep. John Larson (D-CT), is going crazy because his buddies in the Republican party won't let Elon Musk testify in front of the House Ways and Means Committee - what's the point of even having a committee if you're not going to let the real decision-makers speak, am I right? And don't even get me started on House Ways and Means Committee, I mean, what…
Pastor Caug”Texasht Red-Handed, But Not for Hoarding All the Donation Money (This Time)”
Wow, just what we needed, another scandal to add to the never-ending list of church-related controversies. And, of course, it involves a big-time megachurch pastor, Robert Morris, who just so happens to be a former spiritual adviser to President Donald Trump. Because, you know, that's not a recipe for disaster or anything. But, let's get to the good stuff. Morris has been indicted in Oklahoma for five counts of lewd or indecent acts with a…
Federal Judge Rules Trump Can’t Fire Democrat, Unless He Holds Breath and Stomps Foot Really Hard
What a ridiculous ruling, and I mean that in the best possible way, because who needs a functioning government, right? US Judge has decided that Trump cannot fire a Democratic member of the Federal Labor Board, and I'm just over here wondering, what's next, are they going to tell him he can't fire his advisors on Twitter too? And don't even get me started on the implications of this, it's like the judge is saying,…
World Unites Against Trump, Decides to Boycott Avocado Toast and Netflix, US Economy Suddenly Not So Yuge
I'm just going to say it: the entire world is fed up with Trump, and it's not like it's a huge surprise or anything. But, CNN is reporting that people are actually talking about boycotting American-made goods - because, you know, that's going to solve everything. I mean, who needs diplomacy when you can just throw a tantrum and refuse to buy stuff from the US? And, let's be real, this is not just about…
Breaking News: CEOs Stunned to Discover Trump Doesn’t Always Tell the Truth, Film at 11
I'm just going to say it: the faith of CEOs in Trump is shaky at best, and honestly, who can blame them? (like, have you seen his Twitter feed?) It's like trying to navigate a giant obstacle course blindfolded, except instead of obstacles, it's a minefield of contradictory statements and alternative facts. And let's get real, trust is a luxury that few can afford when it comes to Trump - I mean, the guy has…
Tim Walz Embarks on Quixotic Quest to Convince Republicans that He’s Not the Devil, Starting with a Series of Town Halls in Their Own Backyards (Spoiler Alert: It Won’t End Well)
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Tim Walz is going on a tour of House districts represented by Republicans who have stopped holding in-person town halls, because, you know, who needs to listen to their constituents, right? And let's be real, it's not like these Republicans are trying to avoid getting grilled by their constituents or anything (although, I mean, who can blame them?). But seriously, Walz's team is planning…