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Trump Lawyer Claims President Has Divine Right to Fire Anyone with a Uterus or a Few Grey Hairs, Citing ‘Ancient Art of Being a Petty Dictator’
And here we go again, folks, with the Trump administration making yet another ridiculous claim, because, of course, they can do whatever they want, right? According to a transcript from the Daily Beast, a lawyer for the administration argued that President Trump has the authority to fire all women and people over 40 from federal positions if he so chooses, because, you know, that's not discrimination or anything. But let's get real, Judge Karen Henderson…
Maine Protesters Shocked to Discover Sen. Collins Has Been Hiding Under a Rock for 25 Years, Not Actually Holding Town Halls
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, but apparently, Maine protesters are outraged that Sen. Collins hasn't held a town hall in, wait for it, 25 years - because, you know, that's not a long time at all (or is it?). And, honestly, who needs to listen to their constituents when you can just, you know, not listen to them for a quarter of a century? But, seriously, what's the point of even…
Trump Insists His Hand Was Temporary Possessed by a Mischievous Spirit When He Signed Deportation Order
I'm just going to dive right into this, because, honestly, I have no idea how to start. So, the president (and I use that term loosely) said on Friday that "other people handled it," referring to some proclamation that apparently has his signature on it - talk about a forgery! I mean, who needs personal responsibility when you can just blame it on "other people," right? And can we just take a moment to appreciate…
Breaking: 20% of Americans Still Not Tired of Losing Friends on Facebook Over Politics, Support Boycott of Any Company That Doesn’t Hate Trump as Much as They Do
And let's talk about the latest poll that's got everyone in a frenzy - apparently, one in five Americans are planning to boycott companies that have shifted their policies to align with Donald Trump's agenda, because, you know, who needs customers when you can have a tweet from the president, right? But seriously, this is a big deal, folks, with high-profile brands like Amazon, Target, and Tesla grappling with economic boycotts, and research by the…
Doge-Gone Disaster: IRS Prepares for Financial Apocalypse as Taxpayers Abandon Ship to Invest in Shiba Inu Memes
Let's get real here, the IRS is about to take a $500 billion hit in revenue because people are just not feeling the whole tax-paying thing this year, and I mean, who can blame them, right? I'm not saying I condone tax evasion or anything, but can you blame people for trying to avoid dealing with the IRS when it's being run like a hot mess? I mean, have you seen the lines at the…
Trump Demands Boeing Create ‘Trumpinator’ Jet: A Fighter So Awesome, It’ll Make All Other Planes Surrender and Say ‘Sad!’
I'm literally shaking with excitement as I write this, because, you know, the future of the U.S. Air Force is at stake, and Donald Trump is at the helm - what could possibly go wrong, right? So, apparently, he's announced plans for the next big thing in fighter jets, the Next Generation Air Dominance fighter jet, and I'm like, "Wow, that sounds super cool and not at all like a bunch of fancy words strung…
Breaking News: Travel Agents Warn Clients of Imminent Danger of Free Refills, Obese Portions, and Politicians in the United States – Avoid at All Costs
Warning: if you're planning to travel to the United States, you might want to rethink your plans, unless you enjoy being detained or deported. And, honestly, who doesn't love a good game of "will I be allowed to enter the country?" It's like a travel adventure... not. But, seriously, Canadian travel agent Micheline Dion has been receiving a ton of emails from clients canceling their trips to the US or expressing concerns about their safety.…
Trump Proposes Innovative New Vacation Package: ‘Foreign Prison Getaway’ – Complete with Free Room, Board, and Possible Torture!
American Civil Liberties Union is literally having a meltdown right now, and I don't blame them, because Trump's latest bright idea is to send Americans to foreign prisons - what could possibly go wrong, right? But, in all seriousness, this is not just a terrible idea, it's also super unconstitutional, and I'm pretty sure even Trump's lawyers are face-palming right about now. And let's be real, who needs due process or human rights when you…
Bernie Sanders Draws Record Crowds, Still Can’t Fill a Single Trump Hairstyling Session
Politicians these days - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, right? (Or can we?) Anyway, let's talk about Senator Bernie Sanders, the Independent from Vermont who's been making waves with his "Fighting Oligarchy" tour. I mean, who doesn't love a good underdog story, am I right? But, I mean, seriously, have you seen the books this guy has written? The man is a prolific author, and his words are like a breath of…
Trump Claims He Didn’t Sign Proclamation Invoking Alien Enemies Act, But His Fingers Are Covered in Green Goo and He’s Wearing a ‘Take Me to Your Leader’ T-Shirt
I'm just going to say it, politics is a total mess, and the latest development with President Trump and the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 is just the icing on the cake. And, by the way, who uses a law from 1798 to deport migrants? It's like using a flip phone in the age of smartphones. But, I digress. So, Trump is now saying he didn't sign the proclamation, despite it having his signature at…