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Nation Horrified By Threat To Slow Down Mail, Protests Erupt Over Potential 3-Day Wait For Netflix DVDs And Junk Mail
I am absolutely fed up with the idea of dismantling the United States Postal Service - can you believe it? A NALC flyer advertising Sunday's protests said any effort to privatize or restructure USPS is a "direct threat" to 640,000 postal employees. And let's talk about the potential consequences - it's not just about the jobs, it's about the universal service every American relies on. I mean, what's next? Are we going to privatize the…
Elon Musk’s Ego Shrinks to Size of His Tweets as Bernie and AOC’s ‘Fight Oligarchy’ Tour Steals His Spotlight (and Possibly His Last Girlfriend)
I'm just so done with the fact that Elon Musk is getting his space pants in a twist over the massive crowds drawn to the "Fight Oligarchy" tour, featuring the dynamic duo of Bernie Sanders and AOC. But what's really getting under my skin is that these two Democrats are actually making a dent in the oligarchy that's been plaguing our country for far too long. And don't even get me started on the Republicans…
Greenland Officials Outraged After Trump Tries to Trade Them a Timeshare in Florida for the Entire Island
I mean, can you believe the Trump administration is at it again, trying to bully Greenland into becoming part of the United States? It's like, hello, didn't we learn from the whole "covfefe" debacle that this guy has no idea what he's doing? And now, they're sending a "highly aggressive" delegation to the island, including Usha Vance and Michael Waltz, because that's exactly what Greenland needs, more aggression from the US. I'm sure it has…
Pelosi Secretly Begs Hakeem Jeffries to ‘Please for the Love of God, Don’t Mess This Up’
So, Senate Minority Leader Schumer just bowed down to Donald Trump and voted for the Republican-backed spending bill - because, you know, that's exactly what the Democrats needed, another reason to question their leadership. And, of course, this could be the perfect opportunity for House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries to step up and lead - or, you know, just keep on keeping on with the whole "surrender" thing. But, behind the scenes, Speaker Emerita Nancy…
Access Denied: Because We Know You Were Going to Use the Internet for Something Productive Anyway
I'm trying to write about this super important news story, but apparently, I don't have permission to access it (yeah, because that's exactly what I wanted to do with my day - get denied access to a website). And, of course, I get this incredibly helpful error message that says http://www.9news.com/video/news/local/next/next-with-kyle-clark/new-york-times-reports-musk-donated-6600-to-colorado-rep-lauren-boebert/73-c2e4a358-945e-4740-907c-4b94b340acb1 is off-limits (because, you know, it's not like I have better things to do than try to access a forbidden webpage). But, wait, what…
Schumer Refuses to Step Down, Citing ‘Irrefutable Evidence’ that Everyone Else is Wrong and He’s Secretly a Genius
And let's get this straight - Chuck Schumer, the Senate Minority Leader, has managed to infuriate his own party by caving to Donald Trump and voting for a Republican-backed short-term government funding bill (because, you know, who needs principles when you can have a temporary solution, right?). But, of course, Schumer is not backing down, saying he won't quit his leadership position - because, why would he, it's not like he's embarrassed or anything. I…
Sen. Fetterman Must Resign Immediately to Pursue His True Calling: Professional Couch Warmer
I am just so done with Senator John Fetterman, it's like, what even is the point of having a Democrat in office if they're just going to cave to the Republicans all the time? Check out this book on politics to understand the dynamics at play here. And don't even get me started on his voting record, it's like he's trying to be the 51st vote for the GOP or something, I mean, what's next,…
ICE Cracks Down on Elusive Menace: Grandma Who’s Been Baking Apple Pie and Paying Taxes for Five Decades
And can you believe this, a 64-year-old green card holder, Lewelyn Dixon, who has been living in the United States for five decades, is being detained by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in Washington state? (I mean, what's next, right?) Her niece, Emily Cristobal, told Newsweek via email that her aunt, who she affectionately calls "Aunty Lyn," was first detained by Customs Border Patrol on February 28 and was being held at SEA-TAC airport…
Walz Resurfaces as Fiery Dem Champion, Immediately Gets Lost in Elon Musk’s Twitter Dungeon
And here we go again, the never-ending saga of politicians throwing shade at each other, because, you know, that's what really matters in life. I mean, who needs actual policy discussions when you can just tweet about how much you dislike someone? Anyway, Politico recently reported that Walz is back to his old tricks, taking shots at Musk, because, apparently, that's what passes for "fighting" in the Democratic party these days. But, let's be real,…
Trump Astonished by Son’s Magical Ability to Turn On Laptop Without Hiring a Team of Covfefe-Fueled IT Specialists
Ugh, can you believe this? Barron Trump, the son of President Donald Trump, is apparently a genius or something. I mean, according to his dad, he's got an "unbelievable aptitude in technology" - wow, what a unique and not-at-all-overused phrase. And how did Donald discover this hidden talent? By trying to turn off Barron's laptop, only to find that he had turned it back on five minutes later. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure…