Trump Spares World, Pounds China with Tariffs, Immediately Forgets What He Did and Orders a Large Takeout
Let's get this straight - President Donald Trump just dropped some huge tariff rates on imports from almost every country in the world, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it (or maybe I've just had too much coffee). But, new tariff rates are now at 10% for 90 days, because, you know, trade negotiations are a thing. And, because why not, he's also raising tariffs on China to a whopping 125% -…
Nation Horrified By Sudden, Shocking Discovery That Donald Trump Is Still Donald Trump: Approval Rating Somehow Manages to Find New Lows
Let's talk about President Donald Trump's approval rating, shall we? I mean, who doesn't love a good trainwreck? It's like watching a dumpster fire in slow motion - you can't look away, no matter how hard you try. And boy, has it been a wild ride. His approval rating has taken a dramatic hit, with new polls showing a sharp drop in support. Because, you know, who needs popularity when you can have Twitter controversy?…
Trump Spokesperson Claims Nationwide Outpouring of Tariff Love, Nation Somehow Forgot to Send Flowers and Hallmark Cards
I am just so done with this administration, and their constant denial of reality - it's like they think we're all just sheep who will blindly follow them off a cliff (check out this article from Bloomberg for more on their tariff policies). But, apparently, the Trump press secretary thinks everyone is just lying about hating the tariffs - like, what even is that? And I mean, come on, who doesn't love a good tariff?…
Stocks Plunge, Trump Hits Links: Because What’s a Little Economic Chaos When You’ve Got a Tee Time to Keep?
Can You Believe This Guy? Trump Golfing While the Economy Burns And I thought I was frustrated with my morning coffee being too weak. But President Donald Trump takes the cake - or should I say, he's eating the cake while the rest of us are left with the crumbs. He spent his weekend golfing in Florida, because, you know, priorities. I mean, who needs to worry about the economy tanking when you can perfect…
Trump Claims ‘I’m a Genius, Believe Me’ as Tariffs Magically Turn Trade Partners into Angry, Tariff-Wielding Ninjas
President Donald Trump is at it again, and by "it," I mean making questionable decisions that leave everyone scratching their heads. His latest move? Implementing "Liberation Day" tariffs, because who doesn't love a good tariff, right? (I mean, who needs stable markets and a thriving economy when you can have tariffs?) But wait, it gets better. Trump insists he knows what he's doing, despite the fact that markets are plummeting and even super-safe assets like…
Trump’s Master Plan: Tariffs Unite Nation in Shared Despair, Democrats Rejoice at Gift of Guaranteed Victory
I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate the sheer genius of Trump's tariff strategy? I'm not even kidding, it's like he's trying to win elections for the Democrats or something (no, seriously, has he been secretly taking advice from the Democratic playbook?). And let's be real, tariffs are basically the ultimate unifier - who doesn't love a good ol' fashioned tariff war to bring the country together? But, and this is a…
Campaign Calls For Flooding ICE Tip Line With Reports of Undocumented Avocados and Unlicensed Puppies
I'm just going to dive right into this, because, honestly, where do I even start? So, the White House decided it would be a brilliant idea to share a 24-hour tip line for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) on social media, and, of course, the internet had a field day. I mean, who wouldn't want to report their neighbors, coworkers, or, you know, billionaire CEOs for being undocumented immigrants? And, let's be real, the responses…
Judge Rules Trump Can’t Ban AP from Oval Office, But Can Still Ban Facts, Reason, and Sanity
Let's get real for a second, shall we? A federal judge (because, you know, the judiciary is always impartial... or is it?) has ruled that the White House can't bar Associated Press reporters and photographers from the Oval Office - you know, the same place where world-changing decisions are made (or so we're told). But, I mean, who needs access to the President when you have his books to give you all the insight you…
Press Secretary Confirms Trump’s Plan to Deport Himself to Mars for ‘Alternative Facts’ Vacation
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one, and I've been drinking way too much coffee, so bear with me here. But seriously, the White House Press Secretary thinks we're just going to believe that Trump was dead serious about deporting U.S. citizens? Like, what's next? Are they going to tell us that the sun rises in the west and we should all just accept it? And can we talk about how ridiculous…
Trump to Slap 1000% Tariffs on Chinese Imports, Also Demands China Send Over All Their Egg Rolls and a Nice Apology Note
And here we go again, folks, with the never-ending saga of the trade war between the US and China, because, you know, who needs diplomacy and cooperation when you can have tariffs and retaliations? But seriously, the latest development is that the US President Donald Trump will impose an additional 84% in tariffs on all imports from China, because, why not, right? I mean, it's not like it's going to affect the American consumers or…