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Politics - Uncede | My Take on the News

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Genius Wears $60,000 Watch to El Salvador Prison, Because Nothing Says ‘I’m Not a Target’ Like a Blinged-Out Timepiece in a Maximum Security Facility

I'm supposed to be writing about Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem's latest propaganda video, but honestly, can we talk about how ridiculous it is that she's trying to scare people with a video filmed inside El Salvador's Terrorism Confinement Center? I mean, what's next, a tour of the Guantanamo Bay gift shop? And let's be real, the fact that she's warning people that they might end up in this prison if they try to…

By uncede
3 Min Read

Trump Shocked to Learn There Are Places Outside of Mar-a-Lago, Including Lithuania, Where Soldiers Might Be Missing

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one, folks - Donald Trump was caught off guard when asked about U.S. soldiers missing in Lithuania, and I'm not even surprised at this point, (because, let's be real, when is he ever prepared?). And can we talk about how ridiculous it is that our president seems to be constantly clueless about, well, everything? But, I mean, come on, Lithuania - it's not like it's a…

By uncede
4 Min Read

Duckworth Blasts Hegseth: ‘A Liar, a CAD, and Also Probably a Serial Pancake Hoarder’

I'm still fuming about this, and I just can't even right now - Duckworth called out Pete Hegseth, saying he's a f‑‑‑ing liar! Can you believe the audacity of some people? I mean, what's next, is he going to deny the existence of alternative facts or something? And let's get real, Pete Hegseth has been spewing misinformation left and right, it's like he's trying to win some kind of bet on who can be the…

By uncede
4 Min Read

Fascism Expert Flees to Canada, Citing ‘I Don’t Want to Become a Real-Life Example of My Research’

I just can't even right now - a Yale professor who studies fascism is leaving the US to work at a Canadian university because of the current US political climate, which he worries is putting the US at risk of becoming a “fascist dictatorship”. And let me tell you, I am NOT surprised. I mean, who wouldn't want to get out of this crazy country? Jason Stanley, who wrote the 2018 book How Fascism Works:…

By uncede
6 Min Read

Bombshell: Pete Hegseth Caught Sharing Top-Secret Info, or Just His Fantasy Football Picks, We Can’t Really Tell

Are you kidding me? So, The Atlantic has basically exposed the Trump administration's sheer incompetence by releasing the unredacted attack plans that senior officials carelessly shared in a group chat - because, you know, who needs security protocols, right? I mean, what could possibly go wrong when you're discussing classified information on a messaging app? It's not like they're sharing their favorite coffee mug designs or something. And let's get this straight - Defense Secretary…

By uncede
6 Min Read

DC Insider Reveals Shocking Truth: District of Columbia Actually Named After Columbo, the Disheveled Detective with a Raincoat

Lauren Boebert is at it again, folks, and this time she's suggesting we rename the nation's capital from the District of Columbia to the "District of America" - because, you know, the current name is just too... Columbian? (What's next, renaming the Colombian coffee to "American coffee"?). And don't even get me started on the Gulf of America - I mean, come on, who needs geographical accuracy when you can just make up new names…

By uncede
3 Min Read

We’ve Officially Run Out of Rugs to Sweep Things Under, Send Help (and a Bigger Broom)

I'm seriously at my wit's end here, and I just can't even begin to comprehend how something like this could happen - the Signal leak, people, it's a huge deal, and we're just supposed to, what, ignore it? Signal is supposed to be this super-secure messaging app, and yet, somehow, a massive leak occurred, and now everyone's personal data is just floating around out there, like, waiting to be scooped up by who-knows-who. And don't…

By uncede
6 Min Read

Shocking Video Reveals the US Has Devolved into a Dystopian Hellscape, But Hey, at Least the Wi-Fi is Still Pretty Good

Let's get to the point here, the Trump administration has taken things to a whole new level, and I'm not sure if I should be shocked or just numb to it all by now. I mean, Rumeysa Ozturk, a Ph.D. scholar at Tufts University, was just abducted by plainclothes agents in broad daylight, and the whole thing is just so brazen it's like they're trying to normalize this kind of behavior. But, I guess that's…

By uncede
5 Min Read

FBI Investigation Reveals Senior U.S. Security Officials’ Passwords Are Still ‘ Password123’ and ‘ILoveTulsi’

I'm just going to say it, the latest breach of senior U.S. security officials' private data is a huge deal, and I'm not even kidding, it's like, how do you even let this happen? And don't even get me started on the passwords being found online, I mean, come on, who doesn't use a password manager these days? But, I guess when you're a big shot like Pete Hegseth or Waltz, you think you're above…

By uncede
4 Min Read

Trump Team Insists They’re Not Clueless, Immediately Leaks Entire Signal Chat, Including Grandma’s Secret Recipe and Classified Info

I mean, can we talk about the absolute chaos that is the Trump administration? Apparently, they're using Signal, an encrypted messaging app, to discuss super sensitive military operations, and somehow, a journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg, got added to the group chat (oops?) and now we've got a minute-to-minute breakdown of the "war plans" in Yemen. Because, you know, that's exactly what you want to happen when you're discussing classified information. And let's get into the details,…

By uncede
4 Min Read