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McConnell Warns of Future Headline: ‘Russia Wins, America Loses, and Also Our Passwords and Favorite Recipes’
I'm just going to say it, politics is a never-ending circus, and we're all just along for the ride. But, And, can we talk about Sen. Mitch McConnell for a second? I mean, this guy just received the Star of Ukraine Award from the US-Ukraine Foundation, which, apparently, is a big deal. And, let's be real, McConnell's speech was like a rhetorical masterpiece, calling out Trump and his team for their, shall we say, less-than-stellar…
Breaking News: GOP Finally Discovers Trump Has Too Much Power, Film at 11 (Spoiler Alert: It Only Took Them 4 Years)
Let's get this straight, the great and powerful Donald Trump has decided to impose tariffs on Canada and Mexico, because, you know, that's exactly what the economy needed, right? I mean, who needs cheap goods when you can have expensive ones, am I right? (note to self: start buying things in bulk, just in case). And, of course, the Republicans in Congress are freaking out, because, you know, they're the ones who have to deal…
Trump Admin Told to Preserve Signal Chats, Because Who Needs Plausible Deniability Anyway?
The Trump administration, because they clearly don't have enough to do, is trying to destroy Signal chat records, and a federal judge is all like "uh, nope, you're not doing that". I mean, what even is the point of trying to get rid of those records, are they trying to hide something? But, seriously, a federal judge is stepping in to preserve these records, which is like, a big deal, because it means the Trump…
BREAKING: Exhaustive Search in Greenland Yields Zero Residents Willing to Host America’s Most Awkward Dinner Guests, The Vances, for Free Smoked Salmon and Lectures on Golf
Usha Vance, the Second Lady, is apparently not the most popular person in Greenland, and I am just shocked (note the sarcasm). According to a report from Danish TV 2 (which I would have linked to, but it's a twitter link, so you can just go look it up yourself), US officials have been traveling around Greenland trying to find someone, anyone, who wants to meet with her. And, get this, the people of Greenland…
Canada Abruptly Realizes It’s Been Stuck in a Toxic Relationship with the U.S. and Finally Blocks Trump’s Number
Breaking news: the universe has finally righted itself, and Elise Stefanik will be staying in Congress, because, you know, the fate of the world depended on it (or so it seems). And I'm not even kidding, Donald Trump himself confirmed the news on Truth Social, because where else would he share such earth-shattering information? But, I mean, who needs credible sources when you have Truth Social, right? But let's get back to the "drama" at…
Shocker: 3 in 4 Americans Still Not Convinced that Trump’s Hair is a Good Idea, Let Alone the Economy
.Annotation removed. Please follow the instruction to keep it in HTML format. Are you tired of living paycheck to paycheck and wondering when the economy will finally start working in your favor? Well, you're not alone. A recent poll conducted by Clever Real Estate found that a whopping 63% of Americans think the government is dropping the ball when it comes to addressing key economic issues. And let's be real, who can blame them? With…
Signal Chat Leak More Scandalous Than Clinton’s Emails, Mainly Because Americans Can’t Even Remember What Those Were About Anymore
I'm just going to dive right into this - the Trump administration's latest debacle is a huge deal, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Apparently, some top officials used a private messaging app, Signal, to discuss classified military plans (yes, you read that right) for airstrikes on the Houthi militant group in Yemen. And let me tell you, this is a big no-no. But, of course, this isn't the first time…
House Democrats Lose Minds as White House Appoints Elon Musk to Investigate SignalGate, Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
And let's get this straight, the White House has decided to bring in Elon Musk to investigate the SignalGate leak, because, you know, he's an expert in security (said no one ever). I mean, who needs actual qualifications when you have a guy who's really good at tweeting, right? But seriously, what's next? Asking Donald Trump to lead a workshop on humility? The fact that House Democrats are furious about this decision is not surprising,…
Usha Vance’s Greenland Trip a Glorious Success: She Only Got Lost in the Ice and Accidentally Bought the Country by Mistake
I am just so done with this whole situation, you know? It's like, family members and attorneys were just kept in the dark about the removal of their loved ones and clients, making it impossible to challenge their removal - what even is that? And don't even get me started on the fact that immigration law is so complicated, I mean, who needs that kind of stress in their life? But, and I mean this…
Trump’s CIA Director Suddenly Discovers His Teenage Son’s Secret Snapchat Habits, Blames Biden
I am absolutely losing my mind over this story - Donald Trump's CIA director, John Ratcliffe, is trying to blame the Joe Biden administration for his own mistakes, and it's just too rich. But let's get into the details - Ratcliffe was part of a group chat on the Signal messaging app, where top Trump administration officials discussed an impending military strike on Yemen, and somehow, Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor of The Atlantic, got added…