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Elon Musk Loses Last Marble, Calls Governor a ‘Huge Jerk’ for Not Sending Sympathy Flowers After Tesla Stock Takes Totally-Not-Elon’s-Fault Dive
I'm so fed up with these billionaires and their tantrums, can't they just get along? SEC should really do something about these public feuds, don't you think? And by the way, has anyone tried decaf coffee, maybe it would help these guys chill out. But I digress, so Musk is calling Walz a huge jerk, wow what a shock, a billionaire being petty on Twitter, who would have thought? (I mean, it's not like we…
Scaramucci Psychics Inc. Predicts Trump Will Suddenly Develop Taste and Fire JD Vance, But Let’s Be Real, It’s Not Like That’s Ever Happening
I'm just going to dive right into this Donald Trump drama, because why not? It's not like we have better things to talk about, like world peace or something. So, apparently, Anthony Scaramucci, the guy who lasted a whopping 10 days as White House director of communications, thinks JD Vance is on his way out. And I'm like, finally, someone who shares my opinions! But seriously, Scaramucci said some pretty wild stuff on CNN the…
ICE Cracks Down on Suspiciously Tanned Individuals, Detains Man for Having a Slightly Spicy Lunch
Let's talk about the absolute disaster that is the current state of immigration enforcement in the US - and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that ICE couldn't find enough "dangerous" immigrants to justify their existence, so they just started making things up. And what's worse, is that Trump's executive orders seem to be giving them free rein to do whatever they want, without any regard for constitutional rights or basic…
Wisconsin Sues Elon Musk for Not Giving Them Enough Free Money to Buy Actual Voters
And so, the latest saga in the never-ending soap opera that is Elon Musk's life has begun - Wisconsin's attorney general is suing him over his $2 million payout to voters who participated in the state's Supreme Court election. What could possibly go wrong with that plan, right? But seriously, who needs campaign finance laws when you've got Elon Musk's ego and a few million bucks to throw around? It all started when Democratic attorney…
Musk Warns of Impending Fiscal Responsibility, Nation Horrified by Prospect of Slightly Lower Deficits
I'm just going to say it: the Trump administration's spending is out of control, and despite the claims from certain individuals, it's actually on pace to surpass the Biden administration's levels - can you believe that? But let's get real, this isn't exactly a surprise, is it? I mean, have you seen the budget deficit lately? And don't even get me started on the whole "fiscal responsibility" thing, because let's be real, it's just a…
Breaking: 54 Percent of Voters Demand Hegseth Resign, Other 46 Percent Still Trying to Figure Out Who Hegseth Is
I am just so excited to dive into this absolutely thrilling topic - a poll about Pete Hegseth, because, you know, that's what the world was missing. And, allegedly, 54 percent of voters think he should resign, which, let's be real, is a pretty low-key shocking number considering (or maybe not, who knows, maybe I'm just clueless). But, seriously, who doesn't love a good poll to spice up their day? I mean, it's not like…
Trump’s Golf Habit Tees Off Taxpayers for $26 Million: Because Who Needs Roads When You Can Have Birdies?
I mean, who doesn't love a good game of golf, right? Apparently, our former president does, and we're all just along for the ride (and by ride, I mean expensive ride). The total cost of Trump's golf excursions has now crossed the $26 million mark, because why worry about budgets and fiscal responsibility when you can just play golf all day? And let's be real, who needs actual governance when you can spend your time…
Trump Unveils Plan to Replace All American Landmarks with Giant Statues of Himself Wearing a Confederate Uniform and a ‘Make America Great Again’ Sombrero
And let's get this straight, folks, the Trump administration is at it again, trying to declare war on the TdA (whatever that means) and invoking some wartime law, because, you know, that's exactly what we need, more war. But, apparently, if they want to play by wartime rules, they have to follow the Geneva Conventions, which, shocker, prohibit the public exploitation of prisoners of war. I mean, who wouldn't want to exploit some prisoners, right?…
Trump Trips Over Own Ego, Face-Plants into Tariff Dumpster Fire in Hilariously Leaked Call
Okay, let's get this straight, the president is essentially telling auto companies not to hike prices after his tariffs kick in, or else... or else what, exactly? According to The Wall Street Journal, he's going to give them the stink-eye? And don't even get me started on the absurdity of this whole situation - I mean, the president's goal is to rebuild the nation's industrial base, but his methods are going to end up killing…
Trump Issues Executive Order Forcing States to Hand Over Election Keys, Cookies, and Favorite Pen to DOJ, or Else
Let's get real here, folks, President Donald Trump's latest executive order on elections is a total joke - and not the funny kind. It's like he's trying to make the Justice Department his personal playground, where he gets to be the boss of everything, including our voting rights (can you say, dictator?). And don't even get me started on the whole "integrity of American elections" thing - isn't that just a fancy way of saying…