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Trump Trades in Briefings for Birdies as Economy Tees Off into Oblivion
Breaking News: President Donald Trump has decided to abandon ship and fly to Florida as the U.S. stock market is tanking due to his latest tariff announcement. Because, you know, what's a better way to handle a crisis than to attend a golf tournament and a fancy dinner? I mean, who needs to be in Washington, D.C. actually doing some work when you can be soaking up the sun in Miami? And, of course, this…
Tim Walz Blames Elon Musk’s ‘Toxic Personality’ for Repelling Voters, Not His Own Face
I'm going to attempt to rewrite this... thing, and by thing, I mean a seemingly endless list of video titles and descriptions, into a satirical piece with a dash of humor and a whole lot of exaggeration. Buckle up, folks, this is going to be a wild ride! So, let's start with the main event: politics. The never-ending circus that it is, with its cast of colorful characters, absurd plot twists, and enough drama to…
Elon Musk Declares Wisconsin Supreme Court Election Was Clearly Stolen by Aliens from Planet Teslaonia
Ugh, can you believe this guy? Elon Musk is at it again, throwing a tantrum because his candidate lost in the Wisconsin state Supreme Court race. And let's be real, who tries to buy an election with $21 million? I mean, I know he's got the cash to spare, but come on! It's not like you can just buy elections on Amazon or something (although, who knows, maybe that's next?). And then, to make matters…
Republicans Frantically Google ‘How to Survive 60 Years in Wilderness’ as Trump Tariffs Threaten to Turn Them into Endangered Species
Let's get this rant started - I mean, this article. So, a liberal judge cleaned out her conservative rival in a pivotal court race in Wisconsin, while GOP House candidates in two Florida districts underperformed Donald Trump's 2024 result by more than 15 points, and I'm just wondering, what's going on here? But, you know, this is not the first time we've seen this kind of thing happen, and I'm sure it won't be the…
Access Granted, But Only to Our Awesome Collection of Error 404 Memes
I'm trying to read this super important article about how global business is reacting to some big economic changes, but noooo, I get hit with an "Access Denied" page - because, you know, the internet is just one big, happy, dysfunctional family (and by dysfunctional, I mean completely broken). And, of course, the error message is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot, with a Reference #18.d6d5ce17.1743721480.17b162d1 that's supposed to make me go "oh, yeah,…
Mike Johnson’s Brain Melts Down Like a MAGA Snowflake as Proxy Vote Exposes His ‘Pro-Family’ Values as Just a Fancy Way of Saying ‘I Love My Own Family, But Hate Yours’
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the sheer audacity of Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, R-La., who seems to think that his worldview is the only one that matters. And what's with his obsession with the Bible? Pick up a Bible and read it, he says, as if that's going to magically make all his contradictions disappear. But let's get real, Johnson has been more than happy to tolerate all sorts of…
Trump Reveals Genius Plan to Prevent Great Depression: Make Everyone Poor So They Can’t Tell the Difference
Okay, so let's dive into this total disaster of a situation - I mean, who needs facts when you have President Trump's tweets to guide us? The internet, understandably, lost its mind when Trump claimed that tariffs could've prevented the Great Depression, because, you know, that's not a completely historically inaccurate statement or anything. But seriously, during his "Make America Wealthy Again" event (yes, that's really what it was called), Trump decided to rewrite history,…
House Democrats Plan to Force Vote on Killing Trump’s Ego, Tariffs to Follow as a Bonus
Because, you know, politics isn't already a circus, House Democrats are planning to force a vote on killing Trump tariffs. And, can we please just take a moment to appreciate the utter brilliance of this plan? I mean, who needs diplomacy when you can just force a vote, right? But, seriously, what's the end game here? Are they trying to spark a trade war? Do they not remember the whole China trade war debacle? And,…
Ilhan Omar Drafts Impeachment Articles Over Signal Fail: Because Clearly the Real Crime Was Using the Wrong Messaging App
Are you kidding me?! Three-quarters of Americans are troubled by the administration’s use of Signal to discuss military plans, and I'm like, what's wrong with the other quarter? Don't they care that their government is using a messaging app to plan who-knows-what in Yemen? I mean, I've used Signal to plan my fantasy football league, but this is a whole different level. And by the way, have you seen the "Signalgate" controversy that's been plaguing…
GOP Suddenly Develops Rare and Highly Contagious Case of Shutting the Heck Up
Let's get this straight, the Trump administration, which was once so vehemently opposed to Hillary Clinton's email practices, is now guilty of the same thing. I mean, who needs national security when you can just use Gmail, right? And don't even get me started on Signal - it's like they want to make it easy for hackers to get their hands on sensitive information. But, I guess The Washington Post did report that Mike Waltz,…