Popular Post
California Secedes from Reality, Declares Itself ‘Calizuela’ and Demands to Trade Avocados for World Peace
I'm just going to say it - California Governor Gavin Newsom is a absolute genius (or maybe just desperate?) for trying to steer his state around President Donald Trump's import tariffs. I mean, who needs the federal government when you've got a state with a governor who's all like "Hey, world, California is here and ready to talk...and make some deals, because, you know, Donald Trump is being, well, Donald Trump". And, let's be real,…
Shocker: AOC Leads Schumer in Primary, Nation Horrified by Prospect of Sane, Reasonable Leadership
Because what the world really needs is more politics, right? Let's dive into this utterly shocking (not) poll that's got everyone in a tizzy. Apparently, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is leading Chuck Schumer in a hypothetical New York primary matchup, and by a whopping double digits, no less - I mean, who wouldn't want to vote for a candidate who's all about climate change and progressive politics? And can we just take a moment to appreciate the…
Trump Official’s Epic Smile Single-Handedly Keeps Stocks from Hitting Rock Bottom (But Let’s Be Real, They’re Still Tanking)
Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins is apparently living in a parallel universe where the market isn't crashing and burning, because she's Donald Trump's biggest fan right now - and I mean, who wouldn't be, right? I mean, who needs economy when you have tariffs? Anyway, she's excited about the new tariff policy, and by excited, I mean completely oblivious to the Dow Jones plummeting - and I'm just over here thinking, girl, what's going on? And…
Trump Chooses Birdies Over Bodies: Because Nothing Says ‘Respect’ Like a 19th Hole Hot Dog
But can you believe this guy, Donald Trump, I mean, what is wrong with him? Rather than attending the dignified transfer of the bodies of four U.S. Army soldiers who died on a training mission in Lithuania, he flew to Florida to watch a Saudi-funded LIV golf tournament at his own course - because, you know, that's what's really important here. And, of course, he had to join a dinner reception there too, because, why…
Trump Imposes Largest Tax Hike Since 1942, Immediately Forgets and Claims Mexico Paid For It
And let's get this straight, folks, the latest move by the Trump administration is just utterly ridiculous. I mean, who needs congressional approval, right? It's not like they're trying to single-handedly destroy the economy or anything (note: they're actually not, but just go with it). But seriously, a tax hike without approval? That's like me trying to decide what's for dinner without asking my significant other – it's just not going to end well. And…
They’d Cheerfully Drown the Country in Avocado Toast and Participation Trophies If It Means Avoiding Responsibility
I'm just so done with these politicians and their tariffs, can't they just get their act together? And, by the way, have you seen the politics books on Amazon, it's like they're trying to make our heads spin. But, I digress, the Democrats in the House of Representatives are fuming over the Republicans' support for President Trump's reciprocal tariffs, which, let's be real, are just a fancy way of saying "we're going to tax everything…
Trump Imposes Tariffs on His Own Ego, Claims It’s a ‘Tremendous’ Success
What is wrong with this administration? I mean, seriously, have they no shame? The Trump administration is trying to deport migrants to El Salvador, a country with a reputation for violence and corruption, without even considering the consequences. And, of course, they're doing it in the most ham-fisted way possible, with restraining orders and ignored court rulings. I mean, who needs the law when you're the president, right? (By the way, has anyone seen my…
Yay, We’re All Doomed…Said No One Ever (Except This GOP Senator): Trump Tariffs Bring Joy, Prosperity, and Spontaneous Combustion to the Economy
Let's get this over with - tariffs are a huge deal, and Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) is, like, totally not concerned enough about President Donald Trump's steep international tariffs - I mean, who needs to worry about the economy, right? But, But, in all seriousness, Kennedy did scold staunch supporters of the policy with a dire warning to multiple outlets, because, you know, someone's gotta say it. And, can we just take a moment to…
Nation Horrified to Discover Trump’s Tariff Plan Written by Same AI That Does My Homework for Me
I mean, who needs human intelligence when you have ChatGPT, right? It's not like the President of the United States should be making informed decisions based on, I don't know, actual data and expertise. Nope, let's just let a language model do the heavy lifting. And, apparently, that's exactly what's happening, because tariffs are being created using the same formula that ChatGPT leads users to. But, wait, it gets better - people are actually surprised…
MAGA Melts Down as Mike Pence Commits Ultimate Sin: Basic Math
The Great Tariff Tantrum: A Satirical Take And so, the MAGAverse has lost its collective mind, again. But, can you blame them? I mean, who wouldn't be outraged when former Vice President Mike Pence blasts President Donald Trump's tariffs as the “largest peacetime tax in U.S. history.” I mean, it's not like Trump has a history of, you know, making things up as he goes along or anything (wink, wink). But, seriously, Pence's criticism of…