So, Senate Minority Leader Schumer just bowed down to Donald Trump and voted for the Republican-backed spending bill – because, you know, that’s exactly what the Democrats needed, another reason to question their leadership. And, of course, this could be the perfect opportunity for House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries to step up and lead – or, you know, just keep on keeping on with the whole “surrender” thing.
But, behind the scenes, Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi is all like “Use your power, Hakeem” – CNN reported. I mean, it’s not like she’s trying to push him to overthrow Schumer or anything (although, let’s be real, that would be kinda awesome). Anyway, Jeffries and Schumer had a bit of a disagreement – who doesn’t love a good disagreement between Democrats, am I right? – and now everyone’s all tense and whatnot.
So, when asked if Senate Democrats should choose a new leader to replace Schumer, Jeffries was all “Next question” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “I have no idea what I’m doing”. But, hey, they’re still working together, because that’s what Democrats do best – put aside their differences and pretend everything is okay (spoiler alert: it’s not). They even put out a joint statement promising to oppose cuts to Medicaid in the GOP budget reconciliation bill – because, you know, that’s not something they should be doing anyway.
And, of course, Schumer is refusing to step down as Senate minority leader – because, why would he? I mean, it’s not like he’s done anything wrong or anything (cough, cough, https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/schumer-refuses-step-down-1235301630/, cough). “I’m not stepping down” – yeah, no kidding, Chuck. Anyway, an anonymous House Democrat close to Jeffries told CNN that “He’s always bowed to Schumer, and I think that’s gonna end” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We’re all waiting for Schumer to implode so we can blame him for everything”.
But, in all seriousness, Jeffries did have a bit of a win last month – the House Democrats’ primary campaign arm beat Republicans in fundraising, with the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee raising $11.1 million compared to the National Republican Congressional Committee‘s $9.2 million. So, hey, maybe there’s hope for the Democrats yet (just kidding, there’s not). You can find more information about the fundraising efforts on Amazon. And, as Democratic Rep. Jared Huffman told CNN, “We need to have a strategy, and it can’t be surrender” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We have no idea what we’re doing, but we’ll figure it out eventually”.
Anyway, Jeffries said that he and Schumer had a “frank and honest conversation” about how to move forward – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We argued for hours and still have no idea what we’re doing”. But, hey, at least they’re trying – and by “trying”, I mean they’re barely holding it together. You can find more information about the political leadership on Amazon. And, as one Democratic member told CNN, “I think the best thing that happened to Jeffries is Schumer bungling this so much” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We’re all just waiting for Schumer to implode so we can blame him for everything”.
But, in all seriousness, Schumer’s unpopularity could mean a political opportunity for Jeffries – which, let’s be real, is just code for “Jeffries is going to try to overthrow Schumer and become the new leader of the Democrats”. And, as Rolling Stone reported, Jeffries is “gonna have to lead, or Chuck leads” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We have no idea what we’re doing, but we’ll figure it out eventually”. You can find more information about the political opportunity on Amazon.
And, as a side note, have you ever tried to make coffee with a French press? It’s actually pretty hard – you have to get the coffee-to-water ratio just right, or it’s all bitter and gross. But, hey, at least it’s a good distraction from the dumpster fire that is American politics. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, Jeffries and Schumer – so, they’re still working together, despite their differences, because that’s what Democrats do best (put aside their differences and pretend everything is okay). And, as CNN reported, Jeffries said that he “disagreed” with Schumer giving up the fight on the funding bill – which, let’s be real, is just code for “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’ll figure it out eventually”.
But, in all seriousness, the Democrats need to get their act together – and by “get their act together”, I mean they need to stop infighting and start working towards a common goal (you know, like not being completely terrible). And, as Rolling Stone reported, Jeffries is “gonna have to lead, or Chuck leads” – which, let’s be real, is just code for “We have no idea what we’re doing, but we’ll figure it out eventually”. You can find more information about the political leadership books on Amazon. And, as a final note, if you’re looking for a good book on politics and government, I would recommend checking out Amazon – they have a great selection of books on the topic.