Minnesota – where the nice people live, or so I thought – has just had its fair share of drama, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, but I’ll try to break it down for you, because, why not?
And, apparently, one of their state senators, Justin Eichorn, has resigned after being arrested for trying to solicit a minor for prostitution – yeah, you read that right, minor – which, I’m pretty sure, is not exactly the kind of “personal matter” he needs to focus on, if you know what I mean.
But, of course, this isn’t just any ordinary scandal, nope, it gets better – Eichorn was also a co-sponsor of a bill that would make “Trump Derangement Syndrome” an officially recognized mental illness in Minnesota, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more made-up illnesses to distract us from the real issues, like politicians trying to pay for sex with underage teenagers.
And, let’s be real, who wouldn’t want to diagnose their opponents with a fake illness, it’s not like that’s a real psychological phenomenon or anything – I mean, it’s not like people can just, you know, disagree with someone without being “deranged”, right?
But, I guess that’s just the kind of “logic” we can expect from someone who thinks it’s a good idea to try to solicit a minor for sex, and then resigns from their position, citing “personal matters” – yeah, no kidding, personal matters, like, you know, avoiding jail time.
Now, I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, the fact that Eichorn thought he could get away with this, or the fact that he was actually caught in a sting operation – I mean, who gets caught in a sting operation, apparently, people who don’t read enough books on how not to get caught, and, apparently, people who are just really, really bad at being sneaky, like, you know, a cartoon character or something.
And, as if all of this wasn’t enough, the MAGA Republican was also found with an unopened Trojan brand condom in his car, because, you know, safety first, right?
But, I guess that’s just the kind of “preparation” we can expect from someone who’s trying to solicit a minor for sex, and, you know, maybe even thinking about using protection, because, you know, priorities – I mean, who needs a conscience when you’ve got a condom, right?
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “what about the bill, the one about Trump Derangement Syndrome?”
Well, let me tell you, it’s still out there, just waiting to be passed, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more ways to stigmatize people who disagree with us, and, you know, distract from the real issues, like, you know, politicians trying to pay for sex with underage teenagers – because, apparently, that’s a thing now.
But, in all seriousness, this whole ordeal is just a giant mess, and I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, the fact that Eichorn thought he could get away with this, or the fact that he was actually caught, and, you know, had to resign – I mean, who knew being a politician could be so… eventful?
And, as the Bloomington Police Department said, “if you come to the Orange Jumpsuit District looking to have sex with someone’s child, you can expect that we are going to lock you up” – yeah, no kidding, that’s exactly what should happen, and, you know, maybe even more, because, you know, child protection is a serious issue, and, you know, we shouldn’t be tolerating this kind of behavior from anyone, let alone politicians.
So, to sum it all up, we’ve got a politician who tried to solicit a minor for sex, resigned from his position, and co-sponsored a bill that would make “Trump Derangement Syndrome” an officially recognized mental illness – yeah, that’s a real thing now, and, you know, I’m just waiting for the books to start rolling in, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more literature on fake illnesses – I mean, who needs real issues when you’ve got made-up ones, right?
And, as the great philosopher, Marilyn Manson, once said, “the death of one is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic” – yeah, no kidding, and, you know, maybe we should start paying more attention to the statistics, because, you know, they’re not exactly looking good, and, you know, maybe we should start doing something about it, instead of just, you know, talking about it.
But, hey, at least Eichorn resigned, right?
I mean, that’s a start, and, you know, maybe we can actually start to fix some of the issues that led to this whole ordeal, like, you know, politics and accountability, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more accountability, and, you know, less of this kind of behavior – I mean, who needs politicians who think they’re above the law, right?
And, as the great George Orwell once said, “power is not a means, it is an end” – yeah, no kidding, and, you know, maybe we should start paying more attention to how power is being used, because, you know, it’s not exactly being used for good, and, you know, maybe we should start doing something about it, instead of just, you know, talking about it.
Anyway, that’s my rant for the day, and, you know, I hope you enjoyed it, or, at the very least, found it informative and entertaining, because, you know, that’s exactly what I’m going for here – I mean, who needs boring news when you can have, you know, satirical news, right?
But, hey, if you’re still reading this, then, you know, thanks for sticking around, and, you know, maybe we’ll catch up again soon, because, you know, there’s always more to talk about, and, you know, more news and politics to, you know, rant about – I mean, who knows, maybe next time we’ll have, you know, good news, but, you know, I wouldn’t count on it, because, you know, politics is a mess, and, you know, it’s not exactly getting any better anytime soon.
And, finally, before I go, I just want to say that, you know, if you’re looking for, you know, ways to make a difference, then, you know, maybe start by, you know, paying attention to the issues, and, you know, getting involved in politics, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more people who care, and, you know, are willing to, you know, do something about it – I mean, who needs armchair politicians when you can have, you know, real people making a difference, right?
But, hey, that’s just my two cents, and, you know, maybe I’m just, you know, naive and idealistic, but, you know, someone’s got to be, right?
And, as the great John Lennon once said, “you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one” – yeah, no kidding, and, you know, maybe we can, you know, make a difference, because, you know, that’s exactly what we need, more people who care, and, you know, are willing to, you know, do something about it.