Let’s get real for a second, shall we? A federal judge (because, you know, the judiciary is always impartial… or is it?) has ruled that the White House can’t bar Associated Press reporters and photographers from the Oval Office – you know, the same place where world-changing decisions are made (or so we’re told).
But, I mean, who needs access to the President when you have his books to give you all the insight you need? And, by the way, have you seen the prices of those books on Amazon? Talk about a bargain!
And, let’s not forget, this whole debacle started because the AP refused to rename the Gulf of Mexico the "Gulf of America" – I mean, who needs historical accuracy when you have a President with a vision (and a map to prove it)? But, in all seriousness, the AP stylebook (available on Amazon, of course) is clear on this: no renaming of well-established geographical locations without a really good reason (and a Presidential whim doesn’t count).
Now, back to Judge Trevor McFadden‘s ruling – it’s not like the White House was trying to control the narrative or anything (because that’s never happened before). McFadden, in his infinite wisdom, decided that the White House’s actions were "contrary to the First Amendment" – you know, that little thing in the US Constitution that guarantees free speech (except when it doesn’t, apparently).
But don’t just take my word for it – the Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia University has weighed in on this, filing not one, but two legal briefs supporting the AP’s lawsuit. Because, you know, someone has to defend the First Amendment from those who would seek to undermine it (no names mentioned, of course).
And, in a shocking turn of events (not really), the White House has decided to delay the implementation of the ruling – because, you know, they need time to appeal and try to find a way to circumvent the Constitution (again). But, hey, at least they’re consistent, right?
As Julie Pace, the AP’s executive editor, so eloquently put it, "It’s really about whether the government can control what you say" – and, spoiler alert, the answer is no (or at least, it’s not supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs freedom of speech when you have a President who can just tweet his way out of any situation? And, let’s be real, if the White House can’t control the narrative, who will?
In conclusion (finally!), this whole saga is a stark reminder that, in the immortal words of the great philosopher, George Orwell, "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear" – and, apparently, the White House doesn’t want to hear it (but we’ll keep telling them anyway).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a map of the United States, remember: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says). And, if you’re feeling extra patriotic, you can always purchase a copy of the US Constitution to remind yourself of the liberties you’re entitled to (theoretically, at least).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
Anyway, that’s all for now – stay (just kidding, I didn’t say that)… I mean, that’s all for now. Go forth and read about the First Amendment – you never know when you might need to defend it.
In the words of the great George Orwell, "The people will only be free when they are free to speak their minds" – and, apparently, that’s still a work in progress.
But, hey, at least we have the Associated Press to keep us informed (most of the time, anyway). And, if you’re feeling generous, you can always donate to the Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia University to help them keep fighting the good fight.
And, finally (for real this time), remember: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and if you don’t like it, you can always buy a map to prove it.
Or, you know, you could just read the news and stay informed (just kidding, that’s never going to happen).
But, in all seriousness, this is a critical moment for our democracy – and we must all do our part to defend the First Amendment. So, go forth and read the Constitution – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, as a parting gift, here’s a book about the President – because, you know, someone has to keep him honest (just kidding, that’s never going to happen).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a book about the President, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia University for their tireless efforts to defend the First Amendment – it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
So, go forth and read the Constitution – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, as a parting gift, here’s a book about the Associated Press – because, you know, someone has to keep them honest (just kidding, that’s never going to happen).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a map of the United States, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the Associated Press for their tireless efforts to keep us informed (most of the time, anyway).
So, go forth and read about the First Amendment – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have Twitter (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a book about the US Constitution, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the ghost of George Orwell for watching over us and guiding us through these tumultuous times – it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
So, go forth and read about the First Amendment – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have Facebook (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a map of the United States, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the Associated Press for their tireless efforts to keep us informed (most of the time, anyway).
So, go forth and read the Constitution – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have Instagram (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a book about the US Constitution, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the ghost of George Orwell for watching over us and guiding us through these tumultuous times – it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
So, go forth and read about the First Amendment – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have TikTok (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a map of the United States, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the Associated Press for their tireless efforts to keep us informed (most of the time, anyway).
So, go forth and read the Constitution – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have YouTube (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).
But, hey, at least we can all agree on one thing: the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico (no matter what the President says) – and that’s something to be proud of (I think).
So, the next time you’re thinking of buying a book about the US Constitution, remember: the truth is out there (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
And, finally (for real this time), I’d like to thank the ghost of George Orwell for watching over us and guiding us through these tumultuous times – it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
So, go forth and read about the First Amendment – and remember, the power is in your hands (or at least, it’s supposed to be).
But, I mean, who needs the First Amendment when you have Reddit (just kidding, that’s never going to replace the Constitution).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my coffee mug? I think I left it in the Oval Office (just kidding, I’ve never been there – or have I?).