Breaking News: The US District Judge Christopher Cooper has finally decided to put his foot down and order the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) to release some records, because, you know, transparency is key, right? But, let’s be real, it’s not like they were being super secretive or anything (note the heavy sarcasm). I mean, who needs transparency when you can have opaque government agencies?
And, might I add, it’s about time someone took a closer look at DOGE’s “spearheading the mass firings and dramatic disruptions to federal programs”, because, you know, that sounds like a totally normal and not-at-all-alarming thing for a government agency to be doing. But, hey, who needs accountability when you can have unaccountable government agencies?
In a 37-page opinion memorandum (because, you know, 36 pages just wouldn’t have been enough), Cooper wrote that DOGE was operating with “unusual secrecy” (read: they were being super sneaky and trying to hide all the things). But, I mean, what’s a little secrecy among friends, right? It’s not like they were trying to delete or lower the amount saved in their reports or anything (oh wait, they totally were).
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But what about the canceled USAID programs and the fired thousands of federal employees?” Well, let’s just say that’s all part of DOGE’s master plan to “ax government spending” (read: cut everything and hope for the best).
And, by the way, have you seen the job cuts in the federal government? It’s like they’re trying to set a new record or something (172,017 in February alone – wow, that’s a lot of people losing their jobs). But hey, at least DOGE estimates they’ve saved $105 billion so far (or have they? Who really knows, since they keep changing their numbers?).
In conclusion, it’s about time someone took a closer look at DOGE’s “unprecedented authority” and lack of transparency. I mean, who needs transparency and accountability in government when you can have secretive government agencies running amok? (Just kidding, we totally need transparency and accountability – duh).
But, in all seriousness, it’s good to see that Judge Cooper is taking a stand and ordering DOGE to release some records. Maybe, just maybe, this will be the start of a beautiful new era of transparency and accountability in government (a girl can dream, right?).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen my lost cat? I swear, I had him just a minute ago…
Anyway, back to the topic at hand: DOGE and their lack of transparency. It’s a big deal, folks. Let’s hope that Judge Cooper’s ruling is just the beginning of a long-overdue reckoning for this “unusual secrecy”.
Or, you know, maybe DOGE will just find a way to wriggle out of it (because, let’s be real, that’s what they do best). But, hey, a girl can dream, right?