Pennsylvania’s absent senator – because who needs to show up to work, right? I mean, I’d rather be on a beach vacation too, but I guess that’s not an option when you’re a U.S. Senator.
And let’s talk about John Fetterman, the senator who has missed the most votes so far this year – a whopping 18 out of 98 roll-call votes – that’s like, a lot of votes, folks! But hey, who’s counting? According to Zeteo, Fetterman has missed 18.4% of the Senate’s votes in 2025 – I guess that’s what happens when you’re devastated by inquiries about your missed votes.
But, I mean, what’s the big deal, right? It’s not like Fetterman has better things to do… like visiting Donald Trump in Florida or meeting with Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu – now those are important things, folks! And, hey, who needs to explain their missed votes when you can just say “I’m devastated by your inquiries”?
And, by the way, have you tried coffee? I hear it’s great for staying awake during long Senate sessions – maybe Fetterman should try some. But, seriously, 11 out of the 18 missed votes occurred on Thursdays – I guess that’s just a tough day for Fetterman.
But, let’s be real, folks, Zeteo is just being mean by pointing out that Fetterman has missed all those votes – I mean, what about his colleague, Dave McCormick, who hasn’t missed any votes this year? That’s just not fair to Fetterman – I guess we should just give him a participation trophy instead.
And, hey, speaking of participation trophies, has anyone seen my participation trophy from kindergarten? I think I left it in my other pants – anyway, back to Fetterman… who, by the way, has been hospitalized for depression and had a stroke in 2022 – maybe that’s why he’s missing all those votes?
But, you know who hasn’t missed any votes? Hawaii’s Democratic senators Mazie Hirono and Brian Schatz – I guess they’re just more dedicated to their jobs or something… I mean, who needs a 230-mile commute to skip votes when you can just, you know, show up to work? And, hey, if you’re feeling depressed, just remember that you can always buy a self-help book on Amazon.
And, in conclusion, folks, if you’re looking for a senator who will actually show up to work, maybe don’t vote for Fetterman next time – unless, of course, you like your senators absent and unresponsive… in which case, he’s your guy! But, hey, at least he’s consistent – he was fourth in voting absences in the previous 118th Congress, missing 21.2% of the votes – maybe he’s just trying to break some kind of record?
And, finally, if you’re feeling frustrated with Fetterman‘s absenteeism, just remember that you can always buy a stress ball to squeeze the frustration away – or, you know, just vote for someone else next time… maybe someone who will actually show up to work.