Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, just got a little poorer, and I’m not exactly shedding tears over here (no, really, I’m not crying myself to sleep at night thinking about poor Elon). But, I mean, $110.8 billion is a lot of money to lose in one day – that’s like, um, a million times my annual salary (okay, maybe not that much, but it’s still a lot).
And, let’s be real, this isn’t exactly the first time Musk has seen his net worth take a hit – I mean, have you seen the stock price of Tesla over the past year? It’s been all over the place! But, I guess when you’re worth over $400 billion, you can afford to take a few risks, right? (Or, you know, you can just tweet about Dogecoin and watch your stock price skyrocket).
But, seriously, Elon’s loss is apparently due to the stock market’s “screaming plummet” (dramatic much?) after Donald Trump’s tariff announcement – because, you know, tariffs are always a great idea (said no economist ever). And, as a result, Tesla’s stock took a hit, closing at $272.04 on Tuesday – its lowest since Trump was elected (coincidence?).
And, did you know that Musk lost $1.5 billion in one day? I mean, that’s like, a small country’s GDP (okay, maybe not that much, but it’s still a lot of money). But, hey, at least he’s got Forbes to tell us all about it – because, you know, we were all just dying to know about Elon’s financial woes.
But, in all seriousness, it’s not like Musk is going to start eating generic Corn Flakes anytime soon – I mean, have you seen his Starlink deal with the FAA? That thing is going to make him even richer! (So, yeah, let’s all just take a moment to feel sorry for poor Elon… said no one ever).
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone tried those new platinum-filled desk doodads? I heard they’re all the rage among billionaires these days (just kidding, I have no idea what I’m talking about).
But, hey, at least Musk has Trump’s ear, right? I mean, that’s gotta count for something (or, you know, maybe it’s just a recipe for disaster). And, who knows, maybe DOGE will make a comeback (ha! like that’s going to happen). But, in the meantime, let’s all just sit back and watch the world’s richest man try to navigate the ups and downs of the stock market – it’s like a real-life game of Monopoly, but with more tweets and fewer Get Out of Jail Free cards.