Seriously, who needs sleep when you’re on a mission to break records? I mean, Senator Cory Booker just broke Ted Cruz’s filibuster speech record, and I’m over here like, “But wait, there’s more!” (or should I say, “But wait, there’s less sleep?”). And let’s be real, Cruz’s record of 21 hours and 19 minutes was basically a walk in the park compared to Booker’s marathon speech. I mean, the man has been talking for hours on end, and I’m starting to think he’s secretly a robot or something (just kidding, or am I?).
But seriously, folks, Booker’s speech has been a wild ride, with him reading everything from Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham (okay, not really, but that would’ve been amazing) to personal testimonies and think-tank pieces. And did I mention he’s been doing this since Monday at 7 p.m. ET? I mean, I’ve seen people binge-watch Netflix for less time than that. Anyway, Booker’s all about criticizing the Trump administration’s policies and spending cuts, because, you know, someone’s got to keep them in check (looking at you, Chuck Schumer).
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “What about the record, though?” Well, let me tell you, Booker’s got a ways to go before he beats the all-time record set by Senator Strom Thurmond, who spoke for a whopping 24 hours and 18 minutes back in 1957. But hey, Booker’s determined to keep going “as long as I am physically able,” which, honestly, is just impressive (or concerning, depending on how you look at it). And Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s words are echoing in my mind: “all people within the U.S. are granted due process” – food for thought, folks.
But, I mean, who needs to talk about the actual issues when you can talk about American Pie and ICE detention? (Just kidding, those are important issues, but you get my point). Anyway, Booker’s also been reading testimonials from people like Jasmine Mooney, and it’s just… wow. I’m not crying, you’re crying (just kidding, I’m definitely crying).
And, of course, the Republican party is just loving every minute of this (said no one ever). But hey, at least Schumer is cheering Booker on, saying, “You’re amazing we salute you, American salutes you” – aww, thanks, Chuck. And Stacey Abrams is over here like, “My friend Sen. @CoryBooker is literally standing up and speaking out—for our safety, our democracy, and our shared decency” – you go, girl.
But, what’s next? Will Booker keep talking until he breaks the all-time record? Only time will tell, folks. And, honestly, I’m a little scared to find out (just kidding, I’m totally invested in this story now). CNN says Booker spoke for 25 hours and 4 minutes, but I’m not sure if that’s the final count (update: it probably is, but still). Anyway, that’s all for now, folks – stay… just kidding, I’m not going to say that.
And, honestly, I’m a bit disappointed that Booker didn’t read any Harry Potter books during his speech (just kidding, that would’ve been amazing). But, hey, at least he’s keeping us entertained (and awake). But, seriously, folks, the real question is: what’s the point of all this? Is it just a publicity stunt, or is Booker actually trying to make a difference? I mean, I’m no expert, but it seems like he’s at least trying to raise awareness about some important issues.
And, hey, if you’re feeling generous, you can always donate to ACLU or something (just kidding, that’s not actually a thing, but you get my point). But, for real, folks, if you want to learn more about the issues Booker’s talking about, you can always check out some books on politics or something.
But, I mean, who needs books when you have Senate speeches, right? (Just kidding, books are great, don’t @ me). Anyway, that’s all for now, folks – thanks for tuning in (not really, but I’ll take it). And, hey, if you’re still awake after reading all this, congratulations – you’re a coffee lover just like me (maybe).
And, finally, I just want to say that I’m a bit disappointed that Booker didn’t break out into song or something during his speech (just kidding, that would’ve been amazing). But, hey, at least he’s keeping us entertained (and on our toes). But, for real, folks, if you want to stay up-to-date on all the latest news, you can always check out CNN or something.
And, hey, if you’re feeling generous, you can always donate to support independent journalism or something (just kidding, that’s not actually a thing, but you get my point). But, seriously, folks, thanks for reading – it’s been a wild ride.