Breaking news: the universe has finally righted itself, and Elise Stefanik will be staying in Congress, because, you know, the fate of the world depended on it (or so it seems). And I’m not even kidding, Donald Trump himself confirmed the news on Truth Social, because where else would he share such earth-shattering information? But, I mean, who needs credible sources when you have Truth Social, right?
But let’s get back to the “drama” at hand: apparently, House Speaker Mike Johnson was aware of the discussions to keep Stefanik in the lower chamber, because, you know, her departure would have left a gaping hole in the Republican party’s… well, I’m not sure what, but I’m sure it’s very important. And, fun fact, the House currently has four vacancies, with a five-seat Republican majority, which is just totally not a recipe for disaster.
And then, of course, there’s Trump’s post on Truth Social, which is just a masterclass in, well, everything: “I have asked Elise, as one of my biggest Allies, to remain in Congress to help me deliver Historic Tax Cuts, GREAT Jobs, Record Economic Growth, a Secure Border, Energy Dominance, Peace Through Strength, and much more, so we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.” I mean, who needs a to-do list when you have Donald Trump’s ego to guide you? But, seriously, have you seen the history books on Amazon lately? Because this guy’s going to need a lot of help remembering all the “Historic” things he’s going to accomplish.
But, I digress. Trump also said, “With a very tight Majority, I don’t want to take a chance on anyone else running for Elise’s seat,” which is just so not a cleverly veiled admission that the Republicans are in disarray. And, of course, who needs a leadership book when you have Trump’s instincts to guide you? I mean, it’s not like he’s ever made any questionable decisions before (cough, politics books, cough).
And, finally, because this article needs to be even longer, let’s talk about the implications of Stefanik staying in Congress. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to change the course of human history or anything (although, who knows, maybe it will?). But, in all seriousness, it’s just another day in the wild world of American politics, where news breaks and facts are facts, but only if you’re paying attention. So, go ahead and follow the drama on Truth Social, if you dare.