Because, you know, the Democrats really needed a poll to figure out who best reflects their “core values” – as if it’s not already painfully obvious. And, let’s be real, it’s not like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a polarizing figure or anything (note to self: sarcasm alert!). But, I mean, who wouldn’t want to be associated with someone who’s been making waves in the party with her, shall we say, “interesting” policy proposals?
And, hey, speaking of interesting, have you seen the prices of avocado toast lately? I mean, it’s like they’re charging us per Instagram post or something! Anyway, back to the poll: apparently, Ocasio-Cortez is the darling of the Democratic party, with a whopping 22% of respondents saying she best reflects the party’s values – whatever that means. But, what’s even more fascinating (not really) is that the poll was conducted by CNN and The Des Moines Register, because, you know, those are totally unbiased sources (just kidding, they’re about as biased as my aunt at a family reunion).
Now, I’m no expert, but it seems to me that the Democrats are trying to appeal to the younger, more woke crowd, and Ocasio-Cortez is their poster child. I mean, who better to lead the charge than a democratic socialist with a penchant for tweeting about the importance of climate change and critiquing capitalism? But, hey, being a leader is all about making tough decisions, right? Like, you know, deciding whether to post a selfie with a Che Guevara t-shirt or not.
And, by the way, have you ever noticed how some politicians are just, like, totally obsessed with socialism? I mean, it’s like they’re trying to out-Bernie Sanders each other or something! But, I guess that’s what happens when you’re trying to appeal to the youth vote. Anyway, back to Ocasio-Cortez: apparently, she’s got a Green New Deal that’s going to save the planet (or something), and it’s got all the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster: drama, intrigue, and a healthy dose of hyperbole.
But, what’s really interesting (not really) is how the other Democratic leaders are reacting to this poll. I mean, it’s like they’re all trying to out-identity politic each other, and it’s just getting more and more ridiculous by the minute! And, hey, speaking of ridiculous, have you seen the prices of coffee lately? I mean, it’s like they’re charging us per Instagram post or something! Anyway, back to the poll: apparently, Ocasio-Cortez is the future of the Democratic party, and we should all just get on board the AOC train before it’s too late (or something).
And, finally, let’s talk about the poll itself: apparently, it was conducted among a whopping 1,000 likely voters, and the margin of error is +/- 3.5% (because, you know, that’s a totally scientific sample size). But, hey, who needs statistics when you’ve got Twitter to tell you what’s trending, right? Anyway, that’s all for now, folks – stay woke, and remember: if you’re not following AOC on Instagram, are you even alive?