Donald Trump, the epitome of humility and self-awareness (or not), claims he “got every answer right” on a cognitive test – because, you know, that’s exactly what you want in a leader: someone who’s clearly in touch with reality. And, of course, he’s 78 years young, with the energy of a Red Bull-fueled rabbit on a pogo stick.
But, and this is a big but (no pun intended), what’s really going on here? Is this just a clever ploy to distract us from the ongoing debate about his ability to serve? I mean, let’s be real, age is just a number, right? Unless, of course, you’re talking about Trump’s fitness levels, in which case, it’s a huge concern.
And, on a completely unrelated note, has anyone tried those new Aldi energy bars? They’re supposed to be, like, super healthy and stuff.
Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, Trump’s cognitive test. So, apparently, he took this super-duper, extra-special test (details of which are, of course, completely classified) and aced it. I mean, who needs transparency when you can just claim you’re a genius, right? It’s not like we’ve seen that before (cough, “very stable genius”, cough).
But, and I know this is a total aside, have you seen the price of coffee beans lately? Like, what’s going on with that? Are we, as a society, just desperate for caffeine or something?
In any case, Trump’s annual physical (which, might I add, is a totally normal thing to do) has brought renewed attention to his, ahem, “advanced” age. I mean, who needs to worry about things like cognitive decline when you’ve got a bruise on your hand from all that hard work?
And, let’s be real, if I had a dollar for every time Trump has made an outrageous claim about his health, I’d be, like, super rich by now. But, hey, at least he’s consistent, right? Consistently wrong, that is.
In conclusion (or not, because, why bother with conclusions, really?), Trump’s cognitive test results are about as believable as his claims of being a master builder. So, go ahead and take this news with a grain of salt – or a whole salt shaker, for that matter. Your call.
But, seriously (just for a second, I promise), can we talk about how age and fitness are actually pretty important when it comes to being the leader of the free world? I mean, it’s not like it’s a cakewalk or anything.
And, finally (I think), if you’re interested in learning more about Trump’s masculinity complex (because, why not?), you can check out this article on MSNBC. Just don’t forget to take your aspirin beforehand. Trust me, you’ll need it.