And let’s get this straight, insider trading is a big no-no, right? But, allegedly, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) just went ahead and did it anyway, because who needs rules, am I right? (Or at least, that’s what documents filed by Greene seem to suggest). I mean, what’s the point of being a congressperson if you can’t use your position to make a quick buck, right? (Sarcasm alert, by the way).
But, seriously, Greene’s stock trades are raising some eyebrows, and people are calling for an investigation. Because, you know, it’s not exactly kosher to buy stocks at the market’s low point and then have them rebound after the president (yes, that president) announces a pause on tariffs. It’s like, come on, did she have some kind of crystal ball or something? I mean, some of the stocks she bought were down by as much as 40% before she made her moves, according to the Associated Press. That’s like, some serious stock market magic right there.
And, by the way, have you seen the list of stocks she bought? It’s like a Who’s Who of big-name companies, including Apple, FedEx, and JP Morgan Chase. I mean, what’s next, is she going to start trading in Bond villain gadgets or something? But, I guess when you’re a congressperson, you’ve got to keep up appearances, right? I mean, Rep. Gregorio Casar (D-Texas) is already calling for an investigation, and people are like, "Yeah, about time someone did something about this."
But, let’s take a step back here and look at the bigger picture. I mean, Trump’s tariffs were announced on April 2, and the market just, like, plummeted. It was like, the whole country was just waiting with bated breath to see what would happen next. And, of course, Trump being Trump, he just had to go and announce a 90-day pause on the tariffs, because why not, right? It’s not like the market was, like, rebounding or anything (oh wait, it was).
And, as for Greene, she’s just, like, totally mum on the whole thing. No comment, no nothing. It’s like, hello, you’re a public figure, can’t you just, like, explain yourself or something? I mean, people are already planning to, like, show up to her Tax Day town hall and, like, demand answers. It’s going to be, like, a total political circus, and I am, like, totally here for it.
But, in all seriousness, this whole thing is, like, super sketchy. I mean, Trump’s advice to buy stocks, Greene’s suspicious trades, it’s all just, like, too much. We need, like, a full-on investigation, pronto. And, by the way, can we please just, like, get to the bottom of this already? I mean, it’s not like we have, like, better things to do than, like, watch our politicians tweet about it or something.
And, as for the calls for investigation, I’m like, totally on board. I mean, it’s not like we can just, like, let this slide or something. We need, like, transparency, accountability, the whole shebang. It’s like, come on, guys, can’t we just, like, do the right thing for once?
But, hey, at the end of the day, it’s all just, like, politics as usual, right? I mean, who needs, like, ethics or morality in politics when you’ve got, like, power and money on the line? It’s like, the old saying goes, "absolute power corrupts absolutely," and, like, we’re seeing that play out right before our eyes. And, by the way, can someone please, like, write a book about this already? I mean, it’s like, the perfect political thriller right there.