Are you kidding me?! The Trump administration has managed to outdo itself in a spectacular display of incompetence and heartlessness. They’ve deported a Maryland father with protected status to a notorious Salvadoran mega prison, and now they’re refusing to bring him home. But wait, it gets better – they’re claiming that the courts can’t make them do it. because, you know, reasons.
And let’s talk about the so-called “reasons” behind this debacle. Apparently, the government is paying El Salvador to jail this guy, but they can’t force El Salvador to return him. Because, you see, El Salvador is a “close ally” (read: puppet regime), and we can only “entreat” or “cajole” them. Yeah, because that’s exactly how international relations work – we just politely ask our “close allies” to do our bidding, and they always comply.
But, of course, the real kicker is that the government is trying to claim that the courts are powerless to order any relief. Because, you know, once someone is deported, they’re basically lost in the system forever. It’s not like we have a functioning judiciary or anything. And if that’s true, then the immigration laws are basically meaningless. But, you know, who needs the rule of law when you have Trump’s tweets to guide us?
And then there’s the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, the poor guy who was deported by mistake. He’s a sheet metal apprentice with a disabled child, and his wife is an American citizen. But, you know, details, details. The government just admitted it was an “administrative error” – you know, the kind of error that happens when you’re too busy stirring up controversy to bother with things like “due process” or “human rights”.
And don’t even get me started on Vice President JD Vance, who tweeted some nonsense about Abrego Garcia being a “convicted MS-13 gang member”. Um, no. That’s not what the court documents say at all. But, you know, facts are overrated.
But, you know, it’s not like this is an isolated incident. There are plenty of other cases of people being deported by mistake, or without due process. Like the pro soccer player, or the gay makeup artist, or the 26-year-old barber. All of these people have one thing in common: they’re not white, affluent, and Republican.
And, of course, there’s the photo of the inmates at the CECOT prison, which looks like a concentration camp from a bad World War II movie. Because, you know, that’s exactly what we need – more human rights abuses to add to our growing list of scandals.
But hey, who needs human rights when you have policies to push? And who needs facts when you have tweets to guide us? It’s a brave new world, folks, where up is down and black is white. But, you know, at least we have satire to guide us through these trying times.
And, finally, let’s talk about the State Department report that found credible reports of inmates in El Salvador being electrocuted, tortured, and beaten to death. Because, you know, that’s exactly what we want to support – regimes that torture people.
But, you know, what’s the point of even writing about this? It’s not like anything is going to change. We’re just stuck in this Never-Ending Story of controversies and scandals. But, you know, at least we have each other – and our sanity (what’s left of it).
Anyway, that’s all for today, folks. Stay (not) tuned for more updates on this developing story. Or, you know, just throw your hands up in the air and walk away. I know I am.