And can you believe it, the wait is finally over, Mitch McConnell has announced he won’t run again – what a shocking turn of events (I mean, who didn’t see this coming, right?). But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, we should probably send him a farewell gift, maybe something from Amazon’s parting gifts section, I hear their “_World’s Okayest Senator_” mug is a bestseller.
But what’s next, will the Republican party finally find someone who’s not a fossil to run for office? (Don’t hold your breath). And by the way, has anyone else noticed how politicians always seem to announce their retirement right after they’ve had a long, fulfilling career of, you know, “serving” the people – I use that term loosely, of course.
And now that Mitch is out of the picture (or at least, he will be soon), I guess we can all breathe a sigh of relief – I mean, it’s not like he was a polarizing figure or anything (oh wait, he totally was). But in all seriousness, his departure does leave a power vacuum in the Senate – and I’m sure there are plenty of wannabe McConnells just waiting to fill his shoes (yikes).
But I have to ask, what’s the over/under on how long it takes for him to write a memoir, because let’s be real, that’s the next step, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want to read 300 pages of Mitch’s greatest hits – I hear the chapter on Merrick Garland is going to be a real page-turner (not really). And can someone please explain to me why politicians always feel the need to write books – is it some sort of ego thing (rhetorical question, I know the answer).
And let’s talk about his legacy for a second (if you can call it that), because what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear “Mitch McConnell”? For me, it’s obstructionism, but hey, maybe that’s just me (I’m pretty sure it’s not though). But in all fairness, he did have some, uh, “notable” moments – like that time he blocked a bill to protect elections from foreign interference, good times.
But anyway, back to the task at hand – or rather, the task of figuring out who’s going to replace him, because let’s face it, that’s the real question on everyone’s mind (or at least, it should be). And I have to wonder, will the Republicans actually manage to find someone who’s not, you know, a master of misinformation? (I wouldn’t count on it). But hey, a girl can dream, right? Maybe they’ll surprise us all and pick someone who actually cares about the people they’re supposed to be serving (ha!).
And as I’m writing this, I just can’t help but think about a the powers he’s wielded over the years – and let me tell you, it’s a long list (understatement of the year). But I guess what they say is true, “absolute power corrup atsbsolutely” (or i Mintch’s case, it just makes you more… Mitch). But in all seriousness, his departure is a big deal – and not just because it means we won’t have to see his face on TV all the time (although, let’s be real, that’s a definite plus).
But what’s next for Mitch, you ask? Well, I hear he’s planning on riding off into the sunset – or at least, that’s what he keeps telling us (I’m not buying it). And by the way, has anyone else noticed how politicians always seem to find “new passions” once they’re out of office – like, suddenly they care about the environment or something (please). But hey, maybe Mitch will surprise us all and actually do some good in his post-Senate life (yeah right).
And as I’m wrapping this up (finally), I just want to say, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Mitch – and by the way, can someone please explain to me why it took him so long to announce his retirement, was he just waiting for the perfect moment to make his exit ( probably)? And on that note, I’ll leave you with a parting gift – a parting gift idea for the senator, maybe something to remind him of his, ahem, “accomplishments”.